Can we take steps to make infidelity less likely?

Guarding Against Infidelity is a topic that most marriage partners don’t discuss. It is a taboo conversation in marriages unless a couple is talking about someone else’s improper discretions. However; it affects a huge number of marriages.

 According to statistics more than 50 % of men and women at any given time are involved in adultery. It is impossible though really to get an accurate count on how many people actually cross this line due to this being such a sensitive topic that most people would not care to discuss it. It is not an area where records are kept like divorces recorded with the probate judge’s office.

There are many reasons why people feel that they must go outside their marriage for another relationship. Some of these are simple such as unsatisfied or unfulfilled needs in the sexual area. There are those who feel the need because of lack of intimacy with their spouse. Others do it because of lack of impulse control. There might be a spouse who will do it because the situation just happens to present itself or as some call it accidental infidelity. Some people do it for the thrill and excitement of something or someone new. Others do it because of feeling lonely, needy, unsure of themselves, and generally needing someone to just love them physically and emotionally.

I read recently where one person involved was just having a bad day and decided someone new would pep them up. They are very vulnerable at this time. There are people who are depressed and feel an affair will make them feel better. Someone comes along perhaps feeling the same way and an affair begins. Sometimes a person gets into a relationship by accident.

 Others go looking for relationships due to being philanderers.  Then some people do it out of anger towards their spouse.

I believe that some people are predispositoned for affairs. Others have been raised in families where emotional closeness was not known between mom and dad. A daughter for instance might have never seen her dad kiss her mom or show in any way any type of affection or emotional bond with the woman he married. Another example of this can be seen with a woman who grew up in a family without a father. She saw her mother take care of the family working a full time job, coming home in the evening fixing supper, bathing the kids, cleaning the house and having virtually no time for an outside relationship with a man. This mother at bedtime is so tired and frazzled that after all of her numerous chores in the evening, she falls into bed only to awake the next morning to start it all over again. This daughter has not had normal role models from a mother or a dad. She is needy.  Her emotional tank is empty.  She is looking for someone to fill her up. The same is true for males.  Even after marriage, many of these continue looking for someone to fill those needs. One person can not gave them the fulfillment they feel needed.

 Some people have affairs because they have seen their friends do it, their own parents do it, or saw it as attractive in the movies or other types of media. Our society seems to turn their heads the other way when they see it many times. The Clinton- Lewinsky Affair is a good example of a part of society basically embracing infidelity.  We live in a world where this behavior many times is idolized and condoned. 

What steps can we take to overcome some of these obstacles? Listed below are some ways to guard against infidelity. 


1) Keep lines of communication open.  Discuss with your partner this problem itself.   


2) Use times daily to discuss emotional issues.

3) Don't bring your job problems home with you daily.

4)  Be careful not to take a job that requires one to be on the road late or out of town.  

5) Be aware when one or both of you are gaining weight that this needs attention. This area alone has damaged many marriages.

6) Looking your  best for each other. Most of us did not marry someone that we felt was unattractive. Part of the attraction to them most likely involved how they looked. In the dating stages, we always tried to look our best.  It is not being selfish Ifor a man or a woman to want to look sexy, have nice clothes, have sweet smelling perfume or cologne, or have their hair fixed on a regular basis.

7) Go to the dentist and keep that beautiful white smile.

8) Taking your wife on a date on a regular basis


9)  If you used to go to movies before you were married by all means continue this.

10)  If you like to dance, don’t stop because you are married.

11) If you need a getaway from the same mundane place that you make love, try different locations. If you made love in unusual places before marriage, revisit these or start some new ones. If you were more impulsive in the courting stage try this approach when you decide to do something different.

12) Creating an environment for love.  Plan an impromptu evening. Call your wife out of the blue and tell her what you have planned to do to and for her. This is okay and it might even bring you some of those special fuzzy feelings you used to have way back when. The wife on the other hand can do this too. She can call her husband in the early afternoon and describe a very romantic evening she has prepared even down to the sexy negligee she is wearing along with talking to him sexy.

13) Keep in mind that when there are children involved, a couple needs to lock their bedroom door and let the kids know that mom and dad need some privacy.

14)  Not allowing yourself to be put in a compromising position.  Guard against allowing yourself to be alone with a member of the opposite sex that you already feel some sort of chemistry for. 

15) Be aware of emotional infidelity.  Do not allow yourself to talk with a member of the opposite about issues in your marriage such as your sex life, complaining to them about your wife or husband and sharing other intimate details of your life or marriage.

16) Stay away from chat lines on the internet.  Statistics point out that many affairs start when someone enters chat rooms and then decides to go one on one.  

If someone were to ask me what I felt was the one thing above all else that could help to keep  marriage vows sacred , I would not hesitate to say a solid relationship with God and involvement in a church together. 

 I know the surface has barely been scratched when discussing this topic. I realize that even if you have all of the above things working, your marriage partner or yourself could still be tempted to stray. If this is the care, talk to your minister, therapist or trusted friend about these feelings.