Dealing with the Mid-Life Crisis in the Male.

The Mid-Life Crisis (Published in the Upson Home Journal November 4, 1987)

It’s certain that many thoughts have been written about the mid-life crisis, or middle adulthood. The general population probably thinks of this as the time when a female reaches the characterized stage of “hot flashes.” Some call this the ovarian shutdown; thus, the woman is unable to produce further after mid-life. Well, this is a much broader area than the physiological change that females experience in their bodies at this time.

Today we will examine the mid-life crisis in the male.Usually when a male enters his forties, some lessons about life have been learned. Death of family members has most likely been experienced. Usually this involves one of the parents. Suddenly we are aware of our mortality. Realizing that we don’t have as much time to accomplish goals, we begin to assess where we are and where we have been. A limited time, therefore is seen to accomplish whatever we want to accomplish.Also, in the forties, it is realized that we are not as young as we used to be. That morning look in the mirror reminds us that the hair is graying, thinning, or balding, and weight begins to be noticed. Also, wrinkles begin appearing. We might think that we couldn’t turn the heads of the opposite sex anymore. Welcome to the Forties Club.

Some ambitions usually have been fulfilled by this time. However, it too is a period to realize that perhaps we will make no history, become no millionaires or that, job-wise, this is basically as good as it’s going to get. This sounds sad in some ways but certainly it is not all bad. We are now beginning to accept who, what, and where we are on this planet. One writer calls this period, “reaching the summit.” People take stock of their lives here. This pause for self-disclosure is usually renewed by the setting of goals or the redefining of old ones.One needs permission at this point in life to fail. In this way, man can start the downhill stroll. Well, what does this mean” It is accepting that we are “over the hill”. This acceptance of failure is not a bad thing.

 For myself, I realize that very few people in a country of over 200 million will ever know my name. I will make no earth-shattering news. I am probably as successful as I am going to become. There might be some areas of my life that I might have lived differently, but basically I am at peace. No longer the wanderer or pursuer of dreams in the night am I.

 The Sinatra-Presley song “My Way” symbolizes pretty much where I am with my life.Of course, I still have goals. I want to see my children grown, college-educated, married and with wonderful careers. I realize that I am an imperfect human so are my wife and children and the world in which I live. I see that I am married to a settled, mature, middle-aged person. You see, my kids have helped me to learn these things, for I am square in their eyes. This is a part of being 40.

At this stage of life, males may suddenly notice a “surge of ambition” but according to Frank Pittman II and his new book Turning Points, one may see a change of direction towards less competing things and more connection may be seen with the real world. The pushing and straining of ambitions are suddenly loosened. When this happens and people let go of some of these pressures, one generally sees a happier, more at ease, less stressful person. This time may be the first time a person really lives.Some people do not enter this stage of life in peace. Some are dragged screaming, fighting every inch of the way.

 New sports cars, affairs, physical conditioning and other distractions may be seen. This is the denial stage and some stay in this time warp at varying degrees. Of course some unfortunately don’t allow themselves to reach acceptance.

 Bitterness is sometimes seen for those who are angry at what they see.Of course acceptance is important for good mental health. For our purposes today, it is my intent to allow others as well as myself to understand a little better the mid-life crisis of the male. The following verse that I read recently somehow sums it all up: I have no yesterday Time took it away Tomorrow may not be But I have today