I've lost two of ,y daughter to cancer and wrote this with the thought of helping others who have lost a child

There are no words to describe what it’s like to lose a child. A part of you is gone forever. At any age of the child, the loss is devastating. With a young child or even an infant, you will always wonder what that child would have grown up as or went on in life as. Every time you go to a young ones birthday party or first communion, Bar Mitzvah. As the years travel on, there are graduations you will attend--and wonder—then there will be weddings. What would she look like in that lovely dress or he in that fine tuxedo? How is it that you feel so bad on holidays? Christmas, Easter, Halloween, that wonderful Thanksgiving dinner. And then there’s Hanukkah, Yom Kippur. These thoughts will always be in your mind. You ask your self—why? This is not the way it should be. There is no answer so don’t look for it. Just know you must go on. I had a thirteen year old granddaughter killed in a car accident twelve years and I speak with a first hand feeling of what it is like. I not only suffered this loss myself but I watched in horror her parents, a daughter and son-in-law go through the worst time of their lives. I couldn’t comfort them nor could I comfort myself. Should your child have been an adult then it is in the reverse. Constantly you are remembering the past. The first word, first step, kindergarten, high school, on and on. You even remember vividly holding the newborn in your arms. Memories that can never be erased. Every day there is something to remind you—a song, the smell of cologne, after shave lotion, so many things silly things they did that maybe even annoyed you at the time. Something they liked very much like a favorite toy, a piece of jewelry, some keeps sake thing you will keep forever, a special song or TV show. The list goes on. Their sweet face is branded in your mind forever. You go out of your way so not to pass the place where they lived or for a long time you won’t go into the room they occupied in your home. It hurts too much. The day of the funeral you feel like your not really there. Numb all over. Your feet don’t touch the floor, even though you know you’re walking and standing. You go through the motions but then it’s done you start on the journey of mourning, healing. First you feel nothing but pain but after awhile you begin to feel anger followed by guilt followed by deep sorrow. You ask yourself, “When will I stop crying? Why can’t I feel the same as I once did?” Why ask when you know you will never be the same. It’s not fair. Months go by and if you have not kept yourself busy you find you are getting physically ill. Your resistance will go down making you subject to anything going around like colds, flu. You are anxious most of the time. The doctor gives you something to help but it doesn’t work. Nothing can soothe your anguish but somehow you know you have to go on. I lost my lovely adult daughter three years ago and I have learned to cope with it by keeping very busy and by knowing somehow that this is what she would want me to do. Do I still cry? Yes I do. That is something you don’t always have control of. At least now I can think about the good times we had together and thank God we did. When I think about her, I know how much I loved her and she loved me. I look at my other children now in a different way. It no longer matters what they do, the only thing that matter is they are still with me. Love unconditionally. The death of a child can mean many things to the ones who loved them. Not only the loss of your child but a feeling that a part of you is gone forever. No matter how bad it hurts, you know you have to go on. There is a life left for you to finish and things for you to do. Treasure the precious moments of the past that you spent with that dear child. Memories how ever short or long can and do become like treasures that you can hold on to. Smile when you think of some of those wonderful times because they will always be there for you to tune into. Your child wants that for you. Take up a project, a hobby and dedicate it to them. Make it fun and a beautiful thing. Something you just know they would like. Get involved with things in your town that will help others-- at the hospital, church or community service. Don’t let the years you have ahead be spent in despair. Your child does not want that for you. Go on even though you know you will never forget them you have a future so don’t let it slip away. Jennifer Robins .