PENNSYLVANIA MAN ARRESTED FOR TRYING TO PASS $1M BILL

Hinkly Dinkly Reporting

As most of you are aware my articles deal with actual news items that I find to be slanted toward the bizarre in an effort to highlight the crazy things people do. We humans tend to consider ourselves the most intelligent souls on the planet. The following illustrates that we also excel in the other direction.

Today’s headline:
PENNSYLVANIA MAN ARRESTED FOR TRYING TO PASS $1M BILL

PITTSBURGH - Change for a million? That's what a man was seeking Saturday when he handed a $1 million bill to a cashier at a Pittsburgh supermarket. But when the Giant Eagle employee refused and a manager confiscated the bogus bill, the man flew into a rage, police said.

An unidentified man entered the store on Cedar Avenue in the North Side shortly before 6 p.m. Saturday and walked to the customer service counter, handed over the bill containing the likeness of Grover Cleveland and asked for change.

The cashier refused and called the manager. The manager told the man the bill was not real and the man asked for it back.

When the manager refused -- telling him the store had a policy of not returning counterfeit money -- the man became enraged and grabbed an electronic funds transfer machine and slammed it against the counter. He then reached for the cashier's scanner gun, and the manager called police.

The man was not carrying identification and refused to give his name to police. He was being held yesterday in the Allegheny County Jail as John Doe.

Since 1969, the $100 bill is the largest note in circulation.

WHOA! Hold the presses Lucille we have a live one here!

First of all, forget the fact that there are no million-dollar bills. Consider the locale. The entire yearly salaries of everyone living on Pittsburgh’s North Side don’t add up to a million. He’d be lucky to get change for a hundred. Maybe if he had gone to Squirrel Hill or Fox Chapel he’d have a chance, or possibly Polish Hill where they may not have noticed it, but a million-dollar bill on the North Side is as rare as a snowflake floating down the Monongahela River in the middle of July.

I feel sorry for the poor fellow. Imagine his excitement when he first realized he was a millionaire. What would you do with a million dollars?

He went to Giant Eagle to get change!

He should have bought something…a pack of gum, a box of Fruitloops?

He doesn’t have enough real cash to bail himself out of jail.

He may have more luck in the future. My political sources tell me that if elected, Hillary plans to issue a new million-dollar bill with her picture on it. Now there’s a sight for sore eyes.

Hinkly Out!
By George