Eggs can make you smart...or not.

HOMELIFE WITH PROFESSOR PENWOSE
Good evening,
Several days before Easter my local Walmart Neighborhood Market ran out of eggs for some unknown reason I am powerless to suggest?
Bewilderment betook me and as I spun around semicircle in a daze I spied a high stack of Eggland’s Best. The top of the line nutrition eggs previously afforded by only quality chefs and gourmets. I knew if I knew the price I would walk away so I closed my eyes and quickly grabbed a carton, which caused a considerable commotion of another nature but I dashed away before they knew who did it.
I must say that after several days of ingesting those eggs I find the world a brighter place. Birds are singing, flowers are blooming, even the air is fair and warm, and I’m sneezing. I suppose the coming of spring may have something to do with it as well?
Those of you who read excerpts from my new book may have noticed an exhilarating fresh flow of ideas. Crisp, clever, sharp, ingenious, characterizations that rock the very pages they embellish.
I owe this to those nutritional eggs that somehow energize my imagination. Nature is truly wondrous.
You probably are unaware that I was gone, but I just read the box which states the eggs come from “Vegetarian Fed Hens.” This caught me completely off guard, as I was unaware that regular chickens eat meat…which reaffirms my fear of farms.
Anxiety has been high due to my new daily diet, however this morning, although I almost remember not getting out of the wrong side of the bed, normal things I usually do automatically seem to tell me I did.
I took the wrong pills. I turned on the wrong gas burner and wondered why my butter was not melting? I tried to make my eggs with the wrong utensil. I opened the refrigerator door looking for coffee and stood there bewildered wondering why? I will say that I did NOT put my underwear on backwards, which is a relief better realized at a later date.
The sad result, and the conclusion I must come to, is the eggs have not made me smarter. All previous perpetrations were apparently merely delusions…NEVERMIND!
Penwose Out
Bye George

P.S. This piece was written after breakfast.