Read this one yesterday, unless it's already tomorrow in which case read it the day before yesterday.

Professor Ambrose Penwose, Kiwi

Good Morning,

Read this one yesterday, unless it's already tomorrow in which case read it the day before yesterday.

When normal is no longer normal, what it it? When set procedures no longer proceed as set, what are they? When the steady daily course of events goes astray, where do they go? Feel free to stop me at any time. When the…
Oh thank you!
I am at wits end, but know not which end? If normal is no longer normal…is it abnormal? Could I be becoming anomalous? Wait, strike that, I don’t even know what it means so it’s a sure shot you don’t.
Could I be becoming eccentric? OMG! I spelled that wrong (essentric,) I’ve sunken to actually using Spellchecker. I NEED HELP!

I telephoned Swigmon Fwad but he’s “Out to Lunch.” He should have that printed on a Tea-Shirt.

I’ve reached out to all of my colleagues with no success. I’m left with my last resort…YOU!

Two days ago I spoke of a major malfunction with my cerebrum operating auto-pilot, after I watched myself stirring powered cream clumps in cold coffee. The entire event was quite discomforting, however I believed it to be a one-time quirk. Yesterday confirmed my hypothesis as everything went as planned.

Today I arose, took my shower, pills, aftershave…
Note: I know I mentioned Sunday to be my shaving day, but I like to spray aftershave daily to smell nice, even though there’s nobody here to smell me.

I said “Good Morning” to Dan, turned on the computer, and walked into the kitchen. As I opened the refrigerator I was thinking of a thought.
I grabbed a burrito, put it on a plate, popped it in the microwave, set the timer, and hit “Start.”

At this point I reminded myself to not do nothing stupid.

I grabbed my Moose Head Yellowstone coffee cup and spooned in the normal amount of instant coffee. As I was filling it with water I once again reminded myself to not do nothing stupid…TOO LATE!

The microwave beeper went off.

What the…?

I was caught in the void between Auto-Pilot and not. I stood there dazed and confused. Why was the microwave beeping? I opened the door and saw the burrito. The timer had been set to the 35 seconds I
normally use…everything looked normal.

Then it hit me…Normal for Lunch!
I don’t eat burritos for breakfast? Except occasional breakfast burritos.

Auto-Pilot had popped a burrito in the micro instead of a bagel in the toaster. I was making sure not to add cream to cold coffee and the damage was already done. Woe is Me!

So what is the prognosis? The first incident happened on the first day of July. This is the 3rd day. That’s two out of three. I’m malfunctioning at 66 2/3 percent. That cannot be good.

I can see you’re no help. I’m calling Swigmon Fwad again…
He’s still out to lunch.

He’s eating lunch and I haven’t even had breakfast yet.
Is THAT normal?

Penwose Out,
Bye George
NoPo8