I'll wait.

Professor Ambrose Penwose, Kiwi
More About Life

Good evening,

Tonight’s message may not be suitable for snivelers.

LIFE…without it you’re dead.

Life is like nothing I’ve ever done before…or before that.
I’ve been neglected most of my life but at least people were kind enough to not make me feel neglected.
I suppose that is also some sort of neglect?

Has anyone wondered what they would do if suddenly they dropped dead?
It is within the realm of possibility, very near probability, and far from, “That ain’t never gonna happen.”

We must think of such things if we are to continue in prosperity beyond.
I mean, what are we going to do, just lie there? Would it not be a trifle boring?

I went shopping at Caskets Galore to see what is available. They have everything from a well ordained decorative ornamental plush sarcophagus suitable for royalty, to a cadaver sack for peasants. I hoped for something in between.

I was drawn to their location by a 2 for 1 special they had on going.

Technology seems to be the modern thing so I asked about such things. Would I get wifi when I whiffed?

The mortician, who seemed creepier than a little bit, tried to inform me that wifi would fly through wood, but not metal, and only if buried a foot below the surface.
He suggested I spend a little more and utilize one of their new models plumbed for wifi and cable. I looked around and saw they also had one with a doggie door, which I found a bit absurd.

The doggie door suggested other things to me and I asked where the “facilities” were?

He said that was the beauty of being dead.

I asked how long the 2 for 1 deal would continue?

He said indefinitely.

I’ll wait.

Penwose Out
By George
NoPo8