Really Big Headline
MAN WHO ESCAPED FROM ALCATRAZ SENDS FBI LETTER
This is actually a Cold Case but still considered lukewarm and open.
A man who claims to be John Anglin sent the FBI a letter stating he was still alive, which the FBI claims is obviously the truth because he could not write the letter if he was dead.
We wonder how anyone eludes The FBI with that kind of reasoning?
The letter states that he, along with his brother Clarence, and Frank Morris, (No relation to the cat,) escaped from Alcatraz in 1962 through holes they dug in the walls.
Another inmate Allen West, who claimed his uncle Adam was Batman, was part of the escape plan and believed useful for getting up and down walls, but went back to his cell as they crawled past the mess hall and he smelled meat loaf which they were serving the next day.
Documents claim he was found in his cell talking to the fake head he used to make guards think he was in his bed when he wasn’t, and had become “Close” to in the preceding months. He was later released on his own recognizance with a mental discharge.
The notorious gangster, Al Capone was also supposed to go with them but the letter said he was too fat to fit through the hole and would probably have sunk the boat. They were trying to stay clear of him anyway because he seemed to have some sort of a disease he caught from his inflatable doll, which they helped use for buoyancy.
Another letter received from Colonel Klink of the now defunct German Luftwaffe, said that his concentration camp Stalag 13 can finally be recognized as the Only Prison In The World with zero escapes. He claims to be 135 years old which the FBI claims would be the case, so the letter must be legitimate. We concur.
The other letter said John and his brother knew the FBI was looking for Brothers, so they foiled recapture by living as Sisters, in North Dakota under assumed names, we assume?
It also said Frank Morris has been living all these years in Carmel California under the assumed name of Clint Eastwood.
The article seems to have quite a few claims and assumptions but this reporter toured Alcatraz in the 80’s and I can personally say that the three men in question must have escaped because if they were still there I did not see them.
The Wholly Book of Doo-Doo-Rot-on-Me is adult satirical humor featuring adult language and adult content, and the work is a parody of the Old Testament Book of Deuteronomy.
