Free Bagels

FREE CAN BE STRESSFUL

Last week at Einstein’s Bagels my receipt offered 3 Free Bagels if I did an online survey. As a professional consultant, I usually don’t take part in such things, and 3 bagels is way below my usual fee, but 3 bagels are 3 bagels, and when free are quite a deal, so I did the deed.

This week I received the 3 free bagels. I usually get a senior discount, but the girl at the register said, I could only have one discount. I told her the 3 bagels were not a discount, but a free offer for which I earned. She did not agree. She was too dumb to argue with so I walked out with 3 free bagels while paying slightly more for my regular bagel and coffee, but still ahead in the long run.

I was yet to realize the dark side of my bonanza.

Allow me to capsize my routine. I’ve briefly quit eating eggs for breakfast because of my upcoming surgery. There is a chance I may not make it, as surgery is always risqué, and I do not want to leave behind a bunch of smelly eggs. It’s just a precaution, but better safe than not.

So I’m going with Bagels. There are six in a bag. I eat one a day, then go to Einstein’s for the seventh, then buy more at the grocery. Everything works like clockwork. I can tell what day it is by how many bagels I have.

Now I’m kerfuffled! My routine is irregular. All is in turmoil. Instead of six bagels I had Nine. I ate two and still haven’t gotten to the six from the store, which will leave me with three when I usually go to Einstein’s, so I won’t this week.

However I will still go shopping and buy a six bag, which will give me Nine again, however I will gain a day because of eating one on the day I usually go to Einstein’s.

The next week I will still have bagels left and unable to go to Einstein’s, while still shopping and buying six more, giving me eight.

Because of not going to Einstein’s I will eventually get down to no bagels left on shopping day and able to go to Einstein’s once more.

During this time I am thoroughly confused and have no idea what day it is?

All this time I have to buy extra cream cheese and spread it with no conformity.

I shall miss their smiling faces at Einstein’s and look forward to running out of bagels the day before so I can go there once again.

I like to study faces while I’m there and I’ve discovered only about 72% of the patrons look Jewish.

They may have another Free Bagel offer? I will be hard-pressed to decide if it is worth it?

I’ll probably take it.

Penwose Out,
By George
NoPo8