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  Home > Humor > Articles Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry      Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z     

By George xx xx

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RoundUp Suit
by By George xx xx   
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Today's Headline

Roundup Suit

If money were not so expensive I’d probably have more of it.

I love to spray my weeds. Some of them are right outside my window and I can hear them moaning and groaning all night long as I watch the tele.
In the morning they’re dead or dying.

Today I saw this headline…
Victims To Be Paid Millions For Using Roundup
Court awards $2 Billion in lawsuit for victims who used Roundup Weed Killer.

I USE ROUNDUP WEED KILLER!

MY SHIP HATH COME IN!

The article said only victims with cancer will be considered.

Dang! That ain’t fair!

I don’t spray myself, so the chances of me having cancer from Roundup are not bloody likely. But I spray the weeds.

I’ve been spraying them with Roundup for almost ten years. Surely in that time some of them must have gotten cancer. Even if they picked it up from a passing asbestos truck. I think there’s a lawsuit for that too?

Sink Me if I’m not excited!

If I can find a sleazy coroner who will do an autopsy and testify that some of my weeds are malignant, I can get a big slice of those billions.

I must find a quack! We’ll do an inquest, and I’ll bring my Big Bag O Weeds. We only need to find one good one!

I’ve bought them insurance in the past with Me as their beneficiary but they said I can’t collect because I killed them. But this is different!

Penwose Out,
By George
NoPo8


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Reviewed by Ronald Hull
Reviewed on March 11, 2020
My neighbor sprayed his lawn with weedkiller. Kill the lawn. Had to replant. One day my lawn was painted green. The sign on my gate said that the company had sprayed another address. Their mistake was my benefit?

Seriously, Roundup used commercially is destroying biodiversity and untold number of insects like the Monarch butterfly who use the wild plants like milkweed for their survival. We have given up our planet to convenience and quick solutions to simple problems. I pulled my weeds in my lawn was just as good as others in the neighborhood. Often better.

Ron

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