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  Home > Humor > Articles Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry      Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z     

By George xx xx

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I decided to try it.

Establishments I had been thrown out of previously were now enticing me to save their asses by having me select from a menu online and having it delivered to my door like a common “Orderer.”

It was the maid’s day off, the chef was throwing up out back, and the butler, well I never seem to know where the butler is?

I decided to try a “Home Delivery” meal.

I asked them what the difference was between chicken salad and egg salad as they were both the same thing? Such questions usually found me escorted to the door, but now they tried to answer, actually.

They told me they were working with a skeleton staff, of which none knew the answer, they just serve from the various containers.

I ordered an egg salad sandwich without even knowing what it was?

On it’s arrival I asked if it was going to be “set up” in the dinning room? They said No…so I had to actually do it myself.

Undenounced to me, when I opened the door a moth flew in.

The sandwich was delicious yet tasted, “traveled.”

Later that night the moth showed itself.

It flew around and around as if trying to annoy me. I decided to let it live and let live, but it seemed bent on bugging me as it buzzed me like the Bloody Luftwaffe.

I decided to confront it and chased it during commercials. It was elusive. I never saw a moth so fast.

In the garage was my secret weapon…HOME DEFENSE from Lowe’s.
I spray it around my baseboards, walls, and entrances and never see a bug. However it seems moths fly over it?

I fetched it!

As I returned, Armed and Dangerous, with sprayer in hand, and Corona Virus Mask over my face, the moth flew straight at me. I sprayed at it midair, but missed. It went for the lamp.


As I went toward it, it flew right at me again and I soaked it in midair, a bit of a, “Jolly Good Shot,” I should say, and I did.

It went back for the lamp and I got it again.

An hour later I was sitting in the dark, but for the gentle glow of the tele.

Could the bug spray have killed my lamp? It was dead.

Now I am completely out of light bulbs, which will leave me in bloody bad shape if I ever get an idea.

Surely something must have been learned from this?

Penwose Out,
By George
NoPo8


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Reviewed by Ronald Hull
Reviewed on April 21, 2020
All my meals are delivered by my partner. My home is a fine restaurant with the best wines found free thrown out of the local liquor store for being, "too old." Some taste like vinegar, but some taste like aged wine. The floor so clean we can eat off of it, and sometimes do….I'm a bit messy.

Anyhow, a couple of days ago a friend of my partner who works at a fine restaurant in an elite mall, gave my partner a hamburger for me, the shut-in, poor devil… Or so they think. Hours from its making, the hamburger arrived during the evening news. Unfortunately, it contain so much stuff that one's mouth could barely eat from half of it at a time. So it was alternate bites, to get the meat, bacon and cheese in one bite, and all of the condiments in the second, well mixed in the mouth as though having everything under the sun on it made it a superior hamburger over the ones that I used to make alternating either mustard or ketchup alone to make it taste fine to my simple palette. This way, a single hamburger totally filled me to the gills, but wasn't very tasty because it was old, traveled like you say, microwaved and tasted like eating the whole buffet in each bite.

So is my secluded gourmet existence. I hear that broiled pork chops are on the menu tonight… Yummy.

Ron

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