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  Home > Humor > Articles Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry      Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z     

By George xx xx

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Screwed Up Day
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The clock said 9:30.

Today is all screwed up.
I usually get out of bed around 8-8:30. I woke up and looked at the clock. It’s digital. The last two numbers were 30…Time to roll out of bed.
I looked at the clock again. It was 9:30.
HOLY MOLY!…The day was half gone, (Not really but it felt like it.)

My whole routine was running late! I had to take my pills. My sugar was spiking, as it always does in the morning. I took two Glipizides!
I also need to take a blood thinner. I like to space them out a bit so I usually make my bed in between. I was going to take both at the same time, cause they were late, but I didn’t. I made my bed. Then, in my hurried state I could not remember if I took both as I previously implied? Fortunately I remembered.

Usually the first thing I do is work out on my Gazelle in the garage, but I took the pills first cause they needed to be taken. When I opened the garage door the heat hit me like a ton of bricks. It is unbelievable the difference an hour makes. It was Really Hot during my workout.

I don’t do time I do reps…150. I got to about 60 and forgot where I was? I lost count. Completely confused! I picked a number and started from there. I probably over exercised?…or under?
I just wanted to get out of that hot garage.

Back in the bathroom I could not remember if I took my pills? My routine is to take them AFTER the Gazelle. But today was screwed up.
I looked around for a clue…My bed was made.
“AHA! I took them!”

So I took my shower. Nothing noteworthy there.
When the shower was over I had more pills to take. Just another way of separating them.
One is a calcium pill I buy at Walmart. They are Humungous! What idiot makes pills so big? I never saw such large pills. I can hardly swallow them. I hate them. I try to see them before I buy them but they have them in these dark green jars that you can’t see through. Sometimes they’re regular size. These are not!
So I took all of those pills.

Then I saw my roll-on deodorant.
I usually apply it as soon as I get out of the shower…But did I today?
Nobody wants to be over deodorized.
I took a chance!
Hooray, my pits were dry, so I didn’t redeodorize!

I kept trying to catch up with time. Then I thought, “WHY? I don’t do anything anyway.”

Everything was fine till I walked out to get the mail. I could have fried the proverbial egg.
I reached into the box and grabbed my mail. It was hot. As I walked back I sifted through it. An envelope fell out.
DAMN! SOB!

I cannot bend to the ground. I was going to let it lie, but it had my address. I knew they’d find me.
Fortunately there was a parked car that I was able to grab onto as I went to one knee and stretched for it. I used the car to stand up again.

It was a letter from COX. I looked at it.
IT WASN’T EVEN FOR ME!!!

It was my address, but the name was for someone who lived there before I did. I’ve been here 9 years! When are they going to update their records?
I bent down for a letter that wasn’t even mine.

I’m thinking of using the alarm tomorrow.
Now my knees hurt.

Cheers,
By George


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Reviewed by Ronald Hull
Reviewed on August 20, 2020
Like they say around here, "Some days it bees that way." You take a mind-boggling number of pills. What do you mean you're not doing anything, anyway? You're writing your blog and posted it… Must take at least five minutes.

I was supposed to have my annual checkup with my doctor, three months late, online today. I got to the website 15 minutes early and spent the next 15 minutes going through all of my maladies, drugs etc. etc. when I went to see his pretty face, I was told that my clinic discriminates against Mac computers. What! Macs are too good for them? They told me to go on my iPhone or iPad instead. Don't they know that those two devices are also made by Apple like Macs? Sorry, can't hold those devices or use my knuckles to navigate the screen.

I guess I will have to wait until next year to see him in the flesh, well not in the flesh, with clothing on. Something I didn't need to do this morning. It's a good thing I don't have to go out to the mailbox with a parked car or not. My mail for other people is always late.

Ron

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