Trying to control a person the way you want them to be will never work. They will only rebel against the control type. Putting someone down to try and help them only makes that person feel more insecure. So, if you want to change someone that should be a" red flag"that you are not a match. The physical attraction shouldn’t be why you are with someone. It has to be a soul connection. Accepting and loving that person just the way they are naked. Bare to the bone.
It seems like opposites attract for the security at first then realize it will never work. One wants everything their way, and to control the other persons every actions. The other one, is afraid of never doing anything right. Hiding everything and finding ways to be away from the control.
The victim has very low self esteem and stops trying to please. The victim begins to detest the other one and think of ways to escape. They will leave and either be alone or find someone that is just like them.
They will laugh and love and accept the other one the way they are. This is the way it is supposed to be. If this sounds familiar, remove your Shackles and get out of Jail. Jail is a place you go when you have done something wrong, not a place that is supposed to be your home.
The person in control is really insecure, and afraid of loosing the one they know they can control. They have to know everything about the controlled, when they had a bathroom break and what they ate that day. The controlled is not allowed to make decisions in the relationship. What they want doesn’t matter to the controller. It has to be their way or the highway.
Stop worrying what others think, and “Let it go”. No one wants to have Shackles on so tight they can’t breathe. It is no good for anyone and only makes the victim want to run like hell to a place where there are no shackles! Let them have a life free to be who they want, their own person. They deserve to feel loved for who they are and not what you want them to be.
People shouldn’t be expected to be someone they are not. Some can pull it off for a while to please another but will explode if they can’t be themselves. Let them go, and move on, they deserve to be accepted for who they have become, whether it pleases the control type or not.
The control type should be alone, because they will never be happy with anyone and always find faults in their loved ones. They don’t know the other person because they don’t want to know what is inside. They are never happy and can’t figure out why everyone and thing is against them. They are not bad people just miserable people. They push others away with their negative vibes and begin to deconstruct. They will never give up control because then they failed. It is a pride thing.
Ultimately, they will be miserable with their own self and alone never finding the perfect match with anyone. No one will ever be good enough to them except themselves.
Excellent writing, Chessly. So much of what you have written seems to pertain to me, or to the me that I was. Not that I am or ever was "controlling." Just the opposite, I think, as, rather than the controller, I was the one controlled and this caused terrible problems along with a lot of dislike between my wife and myself. As for me during this time, I expected so much more out of life than I had and in the end, now, not that I consider my life to be ending, but at this time I realize that I am what I am and what I have in the way of love and beauty is as a gift from God. Also, even though I may never make money from them, considering all of the thousands upon thousands of people like you and I, Chessly, that strive to see what we create, that strive to have others see what we have created, with three published books, along with some very good friends, some of whom I've never really met, never met face to face, such as you, my lady, I feel blessed.
Mark
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