Here's a good example:  "Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack jumped over a candle stick." 

     Jack was obviously a very lonely boy.  Otherwise, he probably wouldn't have turned into a self-mutilator.  I wonder if his parents encouraged him to find friends?  Play baseball.  Play basketball.  Join a cult?  But, I'm told they were old hippies who had more important things on their minds such as providing breast implants for chihuahuas.  Poor flat-chested little things.

     Jack had a sister though.  Mildred.  When I met her, she called me "white meat" which I thought was a racial slur.  Turns out, she was a cannibal.  I made the mistake of asking, "Hey, wanna neck?"  She bit me.

     How about, "Rub-a-dub-dub.  Three men in a tub?"  How gay is that?

     Here's one of my favorites.  "Little Jack Horner sat in a corner, eating his Christmas pie."

     Just how fat was this kid?  They gave him an entire pie?!  Not a sucker.  Not a cookie.  A whole pie?  This kid's a walking ketoacidosis.  But, it didn't end there.

     "He stuck in his thumb and pulled out a plum."

     And they took him to the emergency room with third-degree burns to his hand.  Obviously, nobody told Rollie-Pollie that it had just come out of the oven.

     But I can't talk.  I wasn't the healthiest kid in the world myself.  I was always trying to choose between Butterfinger or Big Hunk.  They were dancers at an establishment down town.  But I like the candy too.

     I told my psychiatrist that I wanted to talk to him about this.  He said, "Sure.  Just give me a minute while I put the barrel of this shotgun in my mouth."

     I hate doctors.

     For more, go to my site, diggerdan.hellooooooooo-big-hunk

www.lifeinthedweeblane.com