It's cold today so I'm curled up in my Big Bird blankee while drinking an extra-large amphetamine milkshake and munching on a steaming bowl of Purina Cat Chow. I'm also wearing my favorite sweater. It's a blend of hemp and unicorn hair. Hmmm. Cozy.
So, let me see if I understand. The planners of the 9-11 attacks are being brought to New York for a civilian trial which will conservatively cost 78 million dollars and insure that all involved get full constitutional rights as any good U.S. citizen would. But, there's a catch. They have confessed and wish to be executed. This being the case, what is the platform for the legal ballyhoo and in the final analysis, who is really going to be put on trial?
For those at NBC, you might take this opportunity to get out your Big Chief pads and crayolas. Take some notes. I'll write slowly so you can keep up.
During the trial, the mass murdering Muslims will get every opportunity to explain their motives which, for the people of New York, is kind of like having someone cut your daughter's throat while tearfully explaining how he was mistreated as a child. The defense attorney will then state that water boarding is cruel and unusual punishment (as defined by our Congress) and therefore, anything said or confessed to during the procedure is inadmissible in court.
The next step is tricky but predictable. Change bad guys in the scenario. In the end, those on trial will be George Bush, Dick Cheney, the CIA, the military, the U.S. government and the American people. And our President will be shamefully silent.
What I'd like to do is go to New York and give these bozos a piece of my mind. But, as my friends will gleefully tell you, I'm low on pieces. Of course, there's also that whole restraining order thing. But I may be able to sneak in anyway. I'll be the one in the pink burkha.
So, on behalf of our Apologist-In-Chief, I'd like to apologize to the world. Please forgive us for our arrogance and evil ways.
Forgive us for responding to every natural disaster mankind has known.
Forgive us for the billions of yearly dollars in food and medical care for the world's needy.
We beg your pardon for doing more for the people of the world than any country in the history of said world.
But mostly, forgive us for those many rows of marble which mark the last resting places of fallen American soldiers. Some may not remember or don't wish to but, they died defending the people of the world. People they didn't even know. People they often didn't understand. Some they didn't even like. But, that's what American heroes do. It's what they still do.
Forgive us our trespasses.
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