The day before the blizzard, the weather was tolerable so I had gone into town because a Senator was stumping through the area and I wanted to hear what he had to say.  By the time I left, my cash and credit cards were missing and I wasn't wearing any pants.  This guy was good.

So, seeing as how immigration and Washington had me pretty much in shambles, I decided that I'd do better to stay snuggled up in front of the computer in my Sponge Bob jammies, covered with my rabbit fur blanket. 

But before anyone starts breaking out the torches, please understand that I made the blanket by using live rabbits tied together with old shoe laces.  It will keep you warm and there's nothing quite as snuggly as a lap full of rabbits.  Of course, there is a down side to everything.  It will crawl away if you're not watching.

Anyway, I had just finished a lip-smacking bowl of kitty litter and parched monkey brains when I pulled up my e-mail and got the shock of shocks.  It was.......TWITTER PORN! 

Twitter?  My kids and grandkids twitter.  Priests, Pastors and Rabbis twitter.  Is nothing sacred?  Besides, how much porn can you spread in one sentence?

Answer to twitter message: "No, Wang Chu.  I don't want to meet your sister.  Leave me alone."

One lady said in her message that she wanted me to follow her.  I still don't know where she wanted to go but she said that, in return, she would follow me.  But, what do I know?  Maybe she likes kitty litter and parched monkey brains too.  It's an acquired taste.

My next question is this.  How do these people get my address in the first place.  I already get enough spam to feed the Bosnian National Guard but then I started getting messages from women all over the world who want to meet me. 

One of them said, "Me come Amelica?"

I don't think so darlin'.  My wife is really narrow minded about that stuff.

And then there was "see pictures of singles in your area" followed by invitations to meet black singles, Hispanic singles, large singles, senior singles, one-legged Albanian transvestite singles, Transylvanian hillbillies and some guy named Harvey who has himself billed as, "Maddam Yum-Yum".  Actually, he was the best looking girl...uh...whatever, in the bunch.

But don't get me wrong.  I do love the ladies.  I just forget what  I'm supposed to do with them sometimes.  Just the other day, I was approached by a scantily clad young lady who asked, "Want to have some fun?"

"Sure," I said.  "Do you want to have some fun?"

"You bet!" she answered.

So, I took her fishing.  It cost me 1500 dollars.  That's a lot for three catfish and a carp.

But, as my mother used to say, "He's slower than a snail pulling an anvil".

I don't get it.

www.lifeinthedweeblane.com