Assinine Names (article) by Cynth'ya Lewis Reed on AuthorsDen

I plead the fifth on this one

As things go in state government, Indiana can be pretty confusing all by itself. But check out these I found. . . and how I described them under the name.

Feel free to share but if this ends up on Letterman . . . the first place I'll track down is y'all's house! One thing you don't want to deal with is me writing a diary of called "Cynth'ya, Mad Black Woman" (smile. . . yes I'm among the mothers and grandmothers. . . and women who know how to find anything or anybody. Just ask our kids/grandkids and male relatives.)

See what happens when I wake up early on a Sunday a.m.? Yes, I too need Jesus. . . blessin's,

cynth'ya

Climax, Michigan, USA

(Take me there, PLEASE!)

Crackpot, England

(Tony Blair's birthplace perhaps?. . . )

Crotch Lake, Ontario, Canada

(Don't shake hands while visiting. . . )

Cut and Shoot, Texas, USA

(Describes what happens in church when

parishioners don�t like the sermon. . . )

Deadhorse, Alaska, USA

(Gas prices so high there they rode the animals to death. . .)

Dildo, Newfoundland, Canada

(Where men aren't always up to it. . .)

Ding Dong, Texas, USA

(Sister City to "Dildo" perhaps?)

Earth, Texas, USA

(Earth to the White House . . . )

Egypt

, Texas, USA

(How hot can this place be described?. . .)

F**king, Austria

(Wonder what these people do for �Happy Hour�?. . .)

French Lick, Indiana, USA

(Immigrants from the above?. . .)

Frostproof, Florida, USA

(Residents can't build snowcastles. . .)

Gun Barrel City, Texas, USA

(Never question why. . .)

Half.com, Oregon, USA

(Bill Gates owns the other half. . .)

Sopchoppy Florida, USA

(Named for a linguistic impossibility � much easier to say:

�Three Free Shrimp Three Free Shrimp Three Free Shrimp")

Happy, Texas, USA

(These people who think they are actually in

F**cking Austria)

Hell, Michigan, USA

(Hell? Oh well. . . )

Holy Moses, Colorado, USA

(Jumpin' Jimminy! God's country. . .)

Hot Coffee, Missouri, USA

(Never let 'em see you sleep. . .)

Humansville, Missouri, USA

(Take me to your leader. . .)

Hygiene, Colorado, USA

(Free Purell at the visitor's bureau. . .)

Intercourse, Pennsylvania, USA

(Air Force One Won't Penetrate the airspace. . .)

(Hold on y'all, they get better)

Bigfoot, Texas, USA

(Gift shops stock toe jam as souvenirs. . .)

Blow Me Down, Newfoundland, Canada

(Mostly populated by horny old widowers. . .)

Bonanza, Colorado, USA

(Where the word "horse" is pronounced, "hoss". . .)

Ding Dong, Texas, USA
(Where the witch is dead but the two step is kickin'. . .)

Gun Barrel City, Texas, USA

(Motto: "Stare Down This!". . .)

Valentine, Texas, USA

(Formerly VD Massacre, Texas.)

Vulcan, Alberta, Canada

(Where the "Trekkies" live long and proper. . .)

Waterproof, Louisiana, USA

(Yeah, RIGHT!. . .)

Why, Arizona, USA

(If you don't know then I'm certainly not going to tell you!)

Jot 'em Down, Texas, USA

(Can't remember crap. . .)

Knockemstiff, Ohio, USA

(Residents have extremely short fuses. . .)

Last Chance, Colorado, USA

(Where Bob Barker sends all losers on

�The Price is Right� game show. . .)

Looneyville, Texas, USA

(Is it me or are you starting to notice a connection with these "Texas" names?. . .)

Mary's Igloo, Alaska, USA

(Home to 1st Alaskan Ice Princess. . . )

Monkey's Eyebrow,Arizona USA

(Where's the rest of the monkey?. . . )

Nameless, Texas, USA

(Full of people whose original name was "Bush" . . . )

Needmore, Texas, USA

(Hasn't Texas had enough? The other 49 states sure have!)

Ninety-Six, South Carolina, USA

(The founders wives would not consent to Sixty-Nine South Carolina. . . )

North Pole, Alaska, USA

(And the �point� is. . . ?)

Nothing, Arizona, USA

(Tax free. . . until somebody moves there. . . )

Notrees, Texas, USA

(No birds or squirrels either. . . .)

Okay, Oklahoma, USA

(Where the girls are easy . . . )

Santa Claus, Indiana, USA

(Post Office still believes it exists . . . )

Shorter, Alabama, USA

Borders Midget Mississippi . . .

Smackover, Arkansas, USA

Retirement mecca for WWF has-beens. . . )

Study Butte, Texas, USA

(Most popular request site for college internships.)

Toad Suck, Arkansas

(The sad reality of slashed school lunch programs. . .)

Truth Or Consequences, New Mexico, USA

(Where your first drink of water may be your last. . .)

Two Egg, Florida, USA

(Collective bargaining gone fowl. . . --sorry, couldn't help myself :-P

SHARE THESE WITH GROWN FOLKS DURING HALFTIME ON THURSDAY. YOU KNOW TURKEY MAKES YOU SLEEP.

Don't you miss a thing; life is too short. . .and I intend to smile all the way through it. HAVE A BLESSED

THANKS-IN-GIVING!

� 2005, cynth�ya lewis reed

p.s. Need a job to tide you over? UPS is hiring.

Here's the national website for UPS Jobs. https://ups.managehr.com/index.html

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Does it make sense to save money on your travel? Does it make sense to save money on your taxes? Does it make sense to make money when people you know

Reviewed by Cynthia Borris

Reviewed on November 22, 2005

Cynth'ya,

You are pricless! Send these to Leno with your current rates.

Happy Thanksgiving, too!

Cynthia

Reviewed by Ronald Hull

Reviewed on November 20, 2005

Verily funny. I've got some first hand experience with some of those Texas venues. Ya got me there, though... ...thought it was about some of AD's authors' pseudonyms.

Ron

Reviewed by Mr. Ed

(Is it me or are you starting to notice a connection with these "Texas" names?. . .)

And I was going to ask you that same question!