Few years later, I met the man I married. We shared the same dreams, just not the same kind of love. Two years into our marriage we had a child. Adding two more years, our second child was born and I stopped having children. Both dreams continued to hold. At thirty, I hopped for my dreams to start. This did not happen. With my middle son having autism, I researched horses discovering they were a good source for therapy for children like him.

When my husband and I first met, our dates consisted of going to the bars with his friends. I felt unappreciated and my feelings did not matter. Excluded from his social gathering as they sat at the table drinking and reminiscing on days of high school and ex-lovers, I was physically present, but not emotionally. The only attention shown, to me, was when he demanded me to get another pitcher of beer. I was his gofer and designating driver. After a year of this, he quit drinking. To me, I thought, “This is great. Now I can get the attention I deserve; the respect of being treated like a wife.” Unfortunately, I was wrong.

Not long afterwards, my social time and friends basically were all taken from me. It felt like I was his property … a prisoner in a marriage.

He hated my best friend. She stood up for me when he knocked me down both mentally and emotionally. Only causing him to dislike her and complained about her more. He would always try to find a way to put her down and turn me against her.

“Get your fat butt over here,” was one of his favorite sayings for me. Telling my oldest son, and I, we were worthless, we were stupid, and our dreams were that; Dreams! Our two youngest ones heard everything. Never feeling so downgraded by someone who is supposed to love and cherish you, I continued being married for the children.

My oldest son decided to have a, “Mother and Son,” talk when I discovered I was hurting all three of my children, mentally and emotionally, by staying in the marriage. In this talk, my oldest expressed, “Mom, why do you let him treat you like you’re a puppet on a string?” Those words really hit home. I decided my marriage was not what I expected or hoped for. I left and I filed for divorce.

When I moved to my father’s one bedroom apartment, with my children, I left my husband the house, the furniture, and all the accessories. Starting out fresh, one priority was missing; a job. Unsuccessful, I moved into the spare bedroom of my mother’s house with three kids. Numerous of times, my husband drove to her house convincing me to move back to his town. He found a trailer for me, and we tried to reconcile for the children. A year of his help, a girlfriend later, and a new apartment, he decided to stop helping me. I had to figure out how to survive.

Going through a divorce, while sharing our children every other week, I went back to school. I supported us with student loans and feeding us with food stamps.

After a year of separation, I decided to date. Finding someone I thought was the right guy, I once again, was wrong. It hit me when I started thinking about our age difference and he was thirteen years older than me; rebound. Friendship was what I needed rather than a, “boyfriend and girlfriend,” relationship.

Living the single life once again, I attempted cookouts with friends, only to leave early. The pain and realization of being alone felt like a third wheel. Trying to help my loneliness out, I created a web blog reflecting my experiences, thoughts and feelings, living life as a single mother. The future, I am unsure of. I can only see the present, as I continue reminding myself, “Have faith. The future is bright and peaceful. My dreams will come true .”

Seeing my children’s faces glowing, after serving my time in a prison marriage, nothing is brighter then the support, reassurance, and love of both my best friend and my children.

I am returning to school and I have a man who cares and loves my children and me. Patience’s and faith are truly the way to believe. Everything else will fall into place.

 My life has taken a turn for the better.