Just recently I had a talk with my eldest daughter about life’s little jokes. She was telling me that at age 29, she felt old and that she could no longer do some of the things she used to be able to do. I giggled and told her that it was just the beginning. In fact the process started a long time ago, she just didn’t notice until now. It’s the lack of limberness we once had and the need to do some of the things we used to do when we were young.
Here is basically what happened to me from the time I was 20 to age 52.
1. At age 20, I realized I could no longer run without injury. My breasts had gotten bigger making the whole running experience rather uncomfortable. So unless someone’s hair was on fire, I walked.
2. At age 21, I could no longer wrap my legs around behind my neck.
3. At age 22, I started having migraines. In conjunction, loud music was a no-no most of the time.
4. At age 23, and after having been a smoker for about 8 years, I could no longer taste most foods.
5. At age 24, heartburn became a big part of my life due to eating spicy foods because of the afore mentioned taste problem.
6. At age 25, I began waking up in the middle of the night with night terrors from raising children.
7. At age 26, I could no longer eat spicy foods.
8. At age 27, the aspect of being 30 soon hit me and caused panic attacks.
9. At age 28, I began having heart palpitations from lack of sleep due to panic attacks.
10. At age 29, I spent a lot of time hooked to a heart monitor thinking I had a heart problem.
11. At age 30, I began having serious OCD issues due to children making mess all over the house.
12. At age 31, my back started giving me trouble and I wasn’t able to sit for long.
13. At age 32, my gallbladder reared it’s ugly head every time I ate salad, vegetables or greasy food.
14. At age 33, my hands started cramping up if I typed for more than 20 minutes at a time.
15. At age 34, I couldn’t balance on a bike to save my life.
16. At age 35, my eyes didn‘t want to focus anymore.
17. At age 36, my arms started looking more like wings.
18. At age 37, cellulite attacked my thighs, arms and butt.
19. At age 38, I started waking up choking over food that had backed up into my throat while sleeping.
20. At age 39, I had lost my sexual drive.
21. At age 40, early onset of menopause started a 5 year trek of bitch mode.
22. At age 41, I could no longer move furniture without my husbands help.
23. At age 42, standing in the shower with my eyes closed was no longer an option unless I wanted to lose balance and crack my head on the tub.
24. At age 43, my legs started revolting every time I tried to walk long distances, causing me to use an exorbitant amount of Ben-gay.
25. At age 44, my body found gravity and decided to follow it.
26. At age 45, my blonde hair decided it was tired of all the blonde jokes and turned gray.
27. At age 46, carpal tunnel took over my hands.
28. At age 47, morning was now at 4AM and bedtime was at 7PM.
29. At age 48, I take approximately 8-10 pills a day just do be comfortable.
30. At age 49, I spend most days with leg cramps that I would liken to labor pains.
31. At age 50, I spent the entire year freaking out that I was 50!
32. At age 51, I spend most of my time in my bedroom due to incredible headaches and aura's that make it impossible to see.
33. At age 52, I sleep maybe 3 hours at night in increments of 30 minutes in between bathroom runs and nap 3 hours during the day the same way.
My daughter asked me if it ever evens out and you just get to feel good for a few years in life and I laughed. At least for me, it has been a downward spiral of waking up to feeling another day older and more sore.
I understand that one needs to keep themselves in shape, and that’s a great idea, but it’s easy to lose track of when raising a family. I have also noticed a trend of lower income families falling apart faster due to lack of money to buy the better foods, exercise equipment and daily supplements. But all that being said, I still feel fortunate that I am still alive. I may be a quivering puddle of cellulite at age 52, but I have been happily married for 31 long years and have a great family. So I count myself as one of the blessed ones.
