Now: “Mom, can I have a dollar to buy a candy car?”

Then: “Turn the TV on. The Brady Bunch is on!”

Now: “Turn the TV on. Family Guy is on!”

Then: “I need $2.00 for more tie dye for my clothes!”

Now: “I need $200.00 to buy this cool retro outfit!”

Then: “I need $3.00 to buy the new Jackson 5 Album!”

Now: “I need $15.00 to buy the new One Republic CD!”

Then: “Don’t cut the tag off my shirt! The tag proves it’s the real thing!”

Now: “Please cut this tag off! That fishing line type thread is scratching the heck out of my back!”

Then: “Dad, can I have a penny for a gumball?”

Now: “Dad, can I have a quarter for a gumball?”

Then: “Billy, please tie your shoes.”

Now: “Billy, please Velcro your shoes.”

Then: “Customer service. May I help you?”

Now: “Customer service. Please press 1 if you would like to speak with someone in tech support. Press 2 if you would like to speak to someone in billing. Press 3 if you would like to return to the main menu. Press 4 if you would like to speak with an operator. If you know the extension of someone you would like to speak to, please enter the extension now. If you would like to hear your choices again, please press 5.”

Then: “I love you so much. I‘m glad the kids are asleep so we can finally have some time alone. I even took the phone off the hook.”

Now: “I love you so much. I’m glad the kids are asleep so we can finally have some time alone….“beep” Oh wait, I have a message on Yahoo, give me a sec and I’ll be right back. Okay, where were we?”

Then: “My parents bought me my first car. It’s 5 years old and only needs a paint job, some new shocks and better tires, but it’s gonna be a sweet ride when I get all that done!”

Now: “My parents just bought me my first car and it‘s new! Dude! The stereo is awesome!!!”

Then: “Mom, it’s the first day of summer vacation, so me and some of my friends are gonna go outside and have fun. I’ll be back in time for dinner.”

Now: “Mom, it’s the first day of summer vacation, so I just wanna veg in my room and play my video games.”

Then: “Dad, can I get a raise in my allowance from 50 cents a week to maybe 60 cents a week?”

Now: “Dad, can I get a raise in my allowance from $10 a week to maybe $15 a week?”

Then: “You’re lucky! You have a 15 inch black & white TV in your bedroom!”

Now: “You’re lucky! You have a 45 inch flat screen in your bedroom!”

Then: “Can I get my ears pierced?”
Now: “Can I get my belly button pierced?”

Then: “Mom! Eddy gave me a ring at school today and we’re going steady now!”
Now: “Mom! My school nurse said I’m pregnant and Eddy asked me to marry him!”

Then: “I need to sit down and get all these checks written and get all these bills in the mailbox before the mailman comes.”

Now: “Bobby move! I need to use the computer to pay our bills.”

Then: “I still have a “D” ticket left from the last time I went to Walt Disney World.”
Now: “I’m broke.”

Then: “I love Saturday mornings! I can watch cartoons for 2 straight hours!”
Now: “I love the Cartoon Network! Non stop cartoons all day, every day!”

Then: “Mom, can I start wearing makeup? All the girls are doing it.”
Now: “Mom, can I get my breasts enlarged? All the girls are doing it.”

Then: “My Dad has a shotgun just in case someone tries to break in.”
Now: “Our whole house is wired and calls the cops automatically if anyone tries to break in again.”