Sex- one word for a myriad of fairly different human activities.

Please don’t get me wrong. I don’t have trouble with sex per se, or troubles with others who do have sex. Yes, sex can be thrilling, ecstatic, and beautiful. Or leading to death. Sex can be so many things – some forms are acceptable to society, others aren’t.

Since the beginning of human history, leaders and ordinary people tried to figure out rules about sex. Why so? Well, we humans are primates, genetically almost identical with the chimps and the gorilla. These, as well as other monkeys and we humans are obsessed with sex. Deeply engrained in our physical existence, sex is a force to be reckoned with. Being a crucial element of society, it also means power, and yes, here we are! Power needs rule and rituals, and that’s why every society has sex rules and taboos. Let’s first have a look at various appearances and functions of sex. I won’t comment on perverted obnoxious stuff:

• The Rose Garden. Mostly portrayed as a companion of romantic love, romantic sex is shown as one of the carrots of life. It also teaches how egoism can be overcome, and the equality of loving partners. Film-making would collapse without this theme.
• Entertainment. But quite often, sex is also entertainment. Millions of people migrate every year to the world’s swelling cities. Guess why? Cities do offer an almost inexhaustible reservoir of potential (single or multiple) sex partners. There is no good sex life in the nosy village, because everybody knows everything about anybody, and there is simply no good choice. In the city, there is anonymity, which translates into sexual freedom.
• Sex and good health. Several Asian religious traditions point out, that sex can stabilize life, and lead to a happy old age. There can be little doubt that a happy and seasoned sex relationship helps to balance one’s life. In a happy relationship, the seeds of anger and extremism don’t seem to grow well.
• The multi-purpose drug. Yes, sex can be a powerful drug, too. The search for the right sex partner can be a powerful and never-ending hunt (The ‘new’ partner might not turn out to be quite as fresh as hoped). It can easily consume one’s life. There is addiction to sex as there is addiction for alcohol, or smoking. Needless to say that there can be no freedom in addiction, and there can be no sexual freedom in sexual addiction.
• Stress. As for all primates, sex is also a strong antidote to stress. What do chimps do under pressure? They have sex. What do Wall Street traders do after a busy day? They go to the titty club. Where are the best deals made? In sex clubs and whorehouses. There is no town in the world without a red-light district. In strict Islamic societies, homosexual contacts replace the female whorehouse. And yes, suppressing sexuality leads to an explosion of masculine anger. Just look at the Middle East. Liberal societies don’t produce fanatics and suicide bombers.
• Trade. As in the realm of primates, sex is often used as a token of trade. Very often, the road to fame and power leads through many (male or female) bedrooms.
• Commercial sex. It has always existed, and will always exist. In some cultures it was considered a divine activity; in others it’s called crime.
• Hierarchy. For many, unfortunately, sex isn’t fun but a tool of power. Aggressive attitudes against women seem to be deeply engrained in (masculine) behavior, ultimately rooted in pride and insecurity. In many countries of Africa, the Middle East and Central Asia, however, such attitudes are ‘legalized’ by tribal law and even religion (so they say). Here sex serves as a tool to abuse, and to humiliate the female part of the population. By no coincidence, it is in those countries where human rights are absent, and gender-balanced law doesn’t exist.

Given the above, indeed, certain rules are needed. What kind of rules, what kind of laws? How should law-making and spiritual guidance address sexuality? Though difficult in detail, there could be a number of universal ground-rules:

• Equality. Law should respect the wishes and aspirations of individuals, male and female. Individuals in a sex relationship should be on equal terms.
• Tolerance. Law and religion should stay out off the bedroom, other than specifying measures to protect individuals from harmful and humiliating activities.
• Consensus. Sex should always be consensual, and there must be a minimum age for consensual sex defined.
• The right of free choice. Neither society nor law should interfere with individuals who want to engage in a partnership. This might also include consensual arrangements other than monogamy marriage.
• A legal framework to define the obligations arising in any partnership.
• A legal framework to provide guidance for commercial sex.
• Strict prohibition of any sexual activity, in any possible form and shape, leading to harm, distress, disease and humiliation.

Be it as it may, sex will always be a tricky matter. Let’s be as open as we dare to be, and as liberal as we can afford without destroying our societies.

© 2006 by Franz L Kessler