First published in my regular column in The Week newspaper....Walworth County Wisconsin.

It's that time again. Time to take stock of this year's deer hunt as you spread the sacred articles in front of you. Organization is critical. You've take care of the nutritional requirements. Protein intake is covered by the sausage sticks and jerky. For carbohydrates, the fizzy, liquid type that comes in convenient aluminum cans.For fats, pickled eggs and those ever-so-crispy pork rinds.the clothing you had from last year will suffice, but the old tree stand needed replacing.Darned if you didn't see one that looked almost as comfortable as a Lazy-Boy recliner, on sale yet! Yep, it was a "must have " item, since the lightweight aluminum one you toted around last year was uncomfortable and a safey hazard.Let's see, it was only rated to hold two hundred pounds.Do the math: 240 -200= a 40 pound overload. Yeah, you did the right thing for a mere three hundred bucks. Better hide that investment from the little woman for awhile, and think up some legitimate reasons to legitimize that minor extravagance.Of course, as a man and deer hunter, you ned no justification for erecting your shrine.You know your reason for being, and so do your friends, at least the male ones.What's a few hundred stinking bucks for a throne befitting a king? Lord of the woods!No, you require no justification, but just in case.....
10. Your therapist says you should take time to "chill out."
9. Need to keep scent of Old Spice and cigars high above any trophy bucks.
8. Testing Isaac Newton's bold assertion that in acorn and spit will hit the ground at the same time when launched from a 16-foot height. It just doesn't make sense!
7.You have been waiting for a little slack time to organize an old Pokemon collection.
6. A poosum named "Bigfoot" is rumored to be ravishing your bait pile. This maurader needs to be stopped now!
5. For some reason, that nagging backache and arthritis that plagued you every time the lawn needed mowing myseriously vanishes whenever you slump into your cushy stand.
4.You will get a much better view of the 10-point buck you will miss.
3. A tall man in blaze orange perched in a tree is what's happenin' with Wisconsin babes. (Ooops, can't tell her that excuse, but every Sconnnie knows its true !)
2.Need a high vantage point to scout for pesky invaders from the flatlands of Illinois.
And now, the number one reason you need that new stand....
1. Have you seen that TV show When Animals Attack? Enough said!