Dear Dr. Romance :
I'm a 5'4" 34yr old male. I've searched online dating sites for a few years now and read thousands of women's profiles. In doing so, I recognized a peculiar trend in women's descriptions of their ideal mate. It's exhilarating to read about a woman who mirrors my ideal match in all ways. I'm not very picky so several women meet that criteria. My excitement is soon quelled when it comes time to read about the person she's looking for, because I know what's coming next. She wants someone taller than I. From the shortest to the average height, most women I find in the personals don't seem to want someone around my height. I've seen woman equal to my height and a few inches shorter looking for guys no shorter than 5'7" and they don't seem to settle for less. I've also seen women as short as 4'9" looking for guys 5'10" to 7 foot. That's gotta be something to see.
So I have a few questions; Why do women prefer men taller than themselves? Why do short women prefer men much taller than themselves? Am I cursed with the "taboo" height?
Dear Reader:
You're discovering the same trap that any of us who are not media-perfect can fall into. Personal ads are way too focused on the outside, and not enough on the inside. Any woman who'd turn down an otherwise great guy because of a height difference deserves what she gets. If you see a great ad, I advise you to ignore her height requirement, and answer the ad anyway. Everyone in the personals is talking about ideals, but, face-to-face, people can be a lot more accepting. Research shows that the mates people choose don't match their dating profile requirements.
Don't lead with your height, figure out what else is attractive about you and lead with that. If you're answering online ads, your writing counts. Quote poetry, be witty, and respond carefully to whatever she writes to you. Make sure you let her know you can hear what she's saying. That's the most attractive thing to any woman. You aren't the only short man out there, and others have found their mates. You can, too.
"Relationships 101: Do Opposites Attract?" explains why people don't always know what they're looking for in a mate. "Turn On Your Charm" will help you increase your attractiveness.
For more detailed information on how to date online: The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again
A high school friend who is a genius, highly accomplished, and seemed to have it made back then, recently confided in me about his inferiority about his 5 foot 1, otherwise physically in good shape, frame. He did suffer a big loss when he was unable to qualify to fly jet aircraft in the Air Force because of his height. He took private lessons and flew anyway. My sister, 4 foot 11, rejected him, but he found a local woman about her height and has been married at least 45 years.
My uncle who was in the Air Force when he met my aunt during World War II. He is about 3 inches shorter than her, but they have been married over 65 years.
Ron