I found the following article inspirational because, in it, the character has found a way to concquer a "demon" that could have, and most likely would have, potientally damaged her marriage. She did not allow herself to become a victim of circumstances.

 

I put a stop to my romantic crushes


Every year in elementary school, I had a crush on a different boy. I can name them all, starting in first grade: Joseph, Tony, Todd, John, Jeffrey, Vernon—the boys who made my head swirl and my stomach flutter.

I continued to have crushes, some of them reciprocated, throughout high school and college. When I got married, however, I assumed my infatuations would stop. They did not. I continued to have strong feelings of attraction to men who were interesting, kind and attentive to me.

I believed in keeping the promises I had made on my wedding day, so even when men expressed interest in me, I was never involved in a sexual or romantic affair. Even though the women’s magazines at the time argued that fantasies about other men were healthy, it wasn’t working for me. The flirtations made my husband feel insecure, and several times he read my personal journal to see if I was having a relationship. In turn, he acted controlling and disrespectful, which made me even more protective of my private life. It was a destructive cycle.

I knew I needed help.

I feel it is not enough to have ethical behavior: I needed to have ethical thoughts and motives as well.

So I did my best not to fantasize about my current crush or even let him linger in my thoughts. But, when he and I stood face-to-face, I couldn’t prevent my butterfly-stomach, heart-pounding, sweaty-palm response. I learned that after a number of weeks or months, my infatuation usually passed, and I could wait it out. But I kept getting new ones.

I knew I needed help. I was surprised to realize that part of me did not want to give up the crushes. I still liked it when men flirted with me and gave me positive attention. When my marriage was rocky, the crushes made me feel beautiful, interesting and important. Also, a crush gave me an almost drug-like rush, which made my sometimes dull life feel more exciting and meaningful.

I decided to pray earnestly.

I finally decided I was willing to sacrifice the sense of vitality and self-worth these crushes gave me in order to have more ethical relationships with my husband and other men. I decided to pray earnestly to find my peace again. During this time of self-examination, I was surprised to discover the heart of my difficulty did not lie in my present circumstances, but in my grief over the separation from my father at a young age.

I had been very close to my father until my parents split up when I was 5 years old. After that, I would occasionally visit him in the summers, but he was emotionally distant. Several times, years passed before I saw him or received a phone call. His child support payments were small and erratic, if they came at all. I concluded I was unworthy of love, and I craved male affirmation.

So my prayer was to understand more about God as my Father. As an adult, I had come to sense the presence of God in my life: a warmth, a whisper, a guidance, a comfort. But I needed to understand that God had been with me in my childhood as well. My spiritual journey brought me to a place where I saw God as my Creator, a perfect Father who has always given me His undivided attention. As I thought back on my child self, I saw that, even then, I was surrounded by Love, which guided me, corrected me, embraced me, delighted in me and showered me with love and approval. The tangible presence of Love began to fill what had been hollow places since childhood.

We now share a more genuine intimacy and trust.

That very week the attraction to my most recent crush, a colleague at work, faded away. And I haven’t had another one since.

While I assumed my life-without-crushes would be colorless, and that I would feel more trapped in my marriage, the opposite has been true . I confessed my struggle to my husband, and he has been compassionate and supportive. As a result, we now share a more genuine intimacy and trust.

I’ve also found my relationships with my male friends are normal and relaxed, without any sexual tension. In fact, without the distraction of my crush, which made me self-conscious and untrustworthy, my friendship with my male colleague has blossomed into a supportive and meaningful working relationship.

I had been looking for love in people—from a lost father, from men I imagined could take his place—and in that search was always an insatiable loneliness. But when I finally turned my heart over entirely to God, trusted Him as my Father and friend, I discovered I’d always been loved, complete and whole.

 

 

Source:spirituality.com