My story of my battle with an invasive Herpes virus - dendritic keratitis - ulceration of the cornea

An Excerpt

Keratitis
(corneal epithelial ulceration due to herpes virus)

I sat in the optometrist’s surgery, my chin in the ‘vice’ as I call it, and a glaring light shining into my left eye. This was my sixth visit to him over a two-week period, trying to find out what was in my eye that was making my life almost unbearable. Each prior visit had come up with a nil result, and I had walked out in pain and wondering when it would leave me. I was so sure there was something in my eye, a foreign body, perhaps even a hair, but no, there wasn’t a thing he could ever find. I could barely see at times, the light bothered me intensely, any light. I kept rubbing my eyelid trying to move whatever it was that was sticking in my eye and felt like a hot needle through to my brain, and sometimes I did move it and the pain would ease off and cease. But not for long.

This particular day the tears ran down my cheek from my eye while my right eye, tired out from all the overload of work, was having difficulties focusing. I was at desperation point; I needed help and quick. The optometrist led me to his surgery, applied the dye and there I sat while he sat on the opposite side staring into my eye with his glaring light making my eye scream to be left alone. Finally he sat back in his chair and said, “I’ve found it”. I was so relieved; at last he could fix this for me. However nothing is ever easy. He proceeded to tell me he had found a tiny ulcer, so small that he was amazed he even found it and that I needed to see an eye specialist urgently. I remember I sighed, as I knew this was almost impossible. I had no eye specialist I saw, I had never had trouble with my eyes before except for eyestrain from age 16 and I wore glasses to read to eradicate that little problem. However, after excusing himself and leaving me for a few minutes, the optometrist returned and told me he had made an urgent appointment for me at an eye specialist about 10 minutes walk from work, and I was expected there within the hour.

So here I was again, sitting in a chair in a surgery, dye in my eye and my chin stuck on the vice and that light I hated with a vengeance boring through my head. I sat there and listened to the eye specialist, after the examination, and wondered how, at age 38 I had this problem. I didn’t hear much of what he said; he talked his jargon and the only words I really heard were ‘herpes’ and ‘incurable’. Great news; herpes? I cringed at that word. I always related herpes to people who fooled around sexually and passed the disease on from one to the other. I wondered how I could possibly have herpes; I had only had one sexual partner and I was married to him, and how did it get in my eye? Of course I didn’t ask any questions, I was too embarrassed and suddenly felt dirty like I really had been engaged in some sexual fooling around. He asked me if I had a history of cold sores, and the answer was an emphatic ‘no’. He also asked about genital herpes and I almost passed out with the horror of it all. Again the answer was ‘no’. Why did I have this feeling that he didn’t believe me?