She passed away
due to massive cardiac arrest ,
a day after she attempted
to end it all herself.
Since then,
many “if”s and many “why”s
remained unanswered
in my head.
If
I was given the chance
to be there for her
when she
was wrestling with her psyche ,
would she …
still...
be around today ?
If
I really took time out
to let her know
that we could pray together ,
would it have helped …
in any way ?
Why
was I able to lift hearts from afar
yet unable to reach my friend
who was just nearby?
Why
was I accessible to others ---
some across the miles ,
some even across the net ---
yet unavailable
to one who was just …
within the same workspace?
Until now,
I have no concrete answer.
What I do have
is a certain knowing.
A certain knowing
that my friend
is free at last
from the sorrows of this earth.
A certain knowing
that my friend was given the grace
to make peace with her God
at the last moment
before she totally left
this valley of tears.
***************
Thank you for this one Nellie. On 1/01/2000 I lost two friends. They were brothers who died within hours of each other. I too had many If's and Why's. I may never understand it all, but your words have given me comfort.
Very heart wrenching..so sorry about your loss..it almost seems like it was meant to be that way tho, eh..and maybe you saved a life across the miles..one never knows the ripple effect our words have on another..Excellent write, Nellie! {{{{{Hugs}}}}}
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