A client was complaining that his best friend was making unpleasant comments about his wife to her face.  His wife was angry that he did not defend her when his friend called her ugly.  He could not understand why his friend would insult him in that manner as his wife was good looking.

I have observed this behavior on other occasions and I was quite baffled by it myself. Wives have reported their husbands taunting them over nonsensical issues. 

I remember when I was class supervisor at a school picnic a pretty lass came to me crying because the boys were calling her ugly. 

Upon reflection it occurred to me that is what grade school lads do that when they like a girl.  Schoolboys do not know how to show their feelings.  At that age, they even disown that they have such feelings.  In that in-between stage they are embarrassed with these unfamiliar instincts.

Youth is also competitive so the female winning their emotions is a challenge that motivates the adolescent to project the need to top it.  The female finds this reaction disconcerting.

Therefore, I have concluded that the friend is attracted to his wife.  His subconscious mind recognizes this as a conflict which is quickly converted into more acceptable overt actions that will not destroy his friendship .  Behavior that antagonizes disguises the individuals’ unrecognized true basic emotions.  The male bond is secure. 

The wife is furious. Why did not her husband defend her?  Perhaps her husband recognizes the underlying emotions of his friend and is pleased that he need not fear him trying to take his wife from him.