When we were children and we wanted more attention, a great majority of us acted up.  We were told we were bad and got some form of discipline.  However, in most cases we did not stop the unwanted acting out, but increased it.  We were testing the love of our parents.

As adults we often TEST the love of our partners or our friends by inconsiderate, obnoxious behavior that we ourselves would not tolerate

Subconsciously, we are testing how far we can go before the loved one rejects us.  

In cases where the adult ego is damaged the individual goes to extremes because s/he believes that no one could love him/her anyway.  Then, when the rejection occurs, it confirms the opinion of the lost soul.  These lost souls were abused as children or young adults .  They cannot give love because they never got love in their lives.  They hardly recognize love, therefore allowing all love towards them to wither and die.   

The individual preforming the test is not always aware that, that is what s/he is doing.  The self-story or perceptions of rejection ,abandonment, or being unloved activates self preservable reactions to make certain that s/he rejects first.   In doing so the remnants  of self-esteem is saved for the accuser/attacker. 

It goes without saying that solutions then become close to impossible to resolve.

In cases such as this, the stories we tell ourselves and the previous perceptions must be modified so that the emotional level allows the thinking level to operate.

Once we begin with fact, then negotiations for a peaceful solution may be found.