THE LITTLE PLASTIC DO-HICKEY

THING-A-MA-JIG

Dear Simms waders people;

Frustrated beyond all rational reasoning I have decided to write in hopes you can help me with a small problem I have.  No, that cleared up after I got married.

What happened was this; last Christmas, my wife, Cathy, bought me a pair of your G-3 guide waders as a much deserved present.  I’ve wanted a pair of your waders for a long time, and bless her little pea-pickin' heart, she finally got it right.  I do, however, suspect she has an ulterior motive because she never gets me anything I really want unless she’s after something.  But no, that’s not the problem either.

At any rate, my problem is that little plastic do-hickey thing-a-ma-jig on the back of my waders that holds the shoulder straps in place.  It’s broken and beyond all repair.  How, you ask, could I possibly break a small piece of indestructible plastic that has a shelf life of perhaps 10,000 years or more?  I’m glad you asked.

While I would like to tell you the mishap occurred while I was defending my World Wrestling Federation Championship against The Undertaker last month in Cincinnati, Ohio, you no doubt would then question why in the world was I wrestling in my fishing waders, not to mention what in the world would possess anyone in their right mind to hold a championship in Cincinnati for God sakes?  Good point! 

And while I could explain to you with a straight face and deep sincerity that the little plastic do-hickey-thing-a-ma-jig broke from severe trauma shortly after beginning my decent down K-2 in the Himalayas, having completed my goal to be the first man to climb the mountain in breathable fishing waders, when I tripped over a sherpa and tumbled head over tea-kettle down the north face all the way to base camp; you’d probably question why I wasn’t wearing neoprene waders instead.  Another good point!

The truth lay somewhere in between.  Actually, to be totally honest, nowhere even close.  What really happened was that somehow I got my straps crossed, kind of like when you get your seatbelt buckle twisted bass-akwards and it drives you nuts ‘cause the strap is all twisted, you know, like a brassiere strap.  Not that I know what a twisted brassiere strap feels like, and no, I’m not saying you would know that either, and it doesn’t matter to me if you do.  Anyway, unable to get the shoulder straps uncrossed, I attempted to open the little plastic do-hickey thing-a-ma-jig. 

Yep, you guessed it; I broke the little plastic do-hickey-thing-a-ma-jig with my own two, bare hands, (We’ll not mention the screw driver, ball-peen hammer, and vise-grips as they probably weren’t really a contributing factor.)

At any rate, could you possible see your way to send me another one of those little plastic do-hickey-thing-a-ma-jigs and a set of instructions how best to install it?  That way I won’t look like such a spastic on the river and frighten folks away while trying to flip the straps over my shoulder and catch them when trying to put my waders on.  Other than the little-plastic-do-hickey-thing-a-ma-jig, I love my waders.

Thank-you so much,

Thomas Firth.

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 Dear Thomas,

That is sooo funny!  You see, I too broke my little plastic do-hickey-thing-a-ma-jig in a wrestling match, only I was wrestling a giant grizzly bear here in Montana!  Not really.  If you promise not to tell my bosses I will share my little secret with you.  While moving from one house to another I sat my micro-wave oven on it! 

I have sent you two little-plastic-do-hickey-thing-a-ma-jigs for your waders and they should be arriving sometime next week.  The instructions are simple; have your wife install the little plastic-do-hickey-thing-a-ma-jig.

Happy fishing, Thomas!

Danielle Will,

Customer Service,

Simms Fishing Products

Bozeman, Montana 59772