Pull out the Mom-rule book. It's football season!

NO FLAG ON THE PLAY

I adjust the rabbit ears, perfect, the football field green, the announcers pink, and the tight butts in focus. The television announcer screams, "Are you ready for some football?" The crowd roars, the music blares and I jump into the middle of the living room.

I swivel my arms over my head, gyrate my pelvis and slide my energized body across the carpet. I yelp with the rug burn.

"Yeah, I'm ready for some football!" I sing, escalating my cheerleading act. The images on the screen flick by faster, the rhythm of the music steps up two levels and I join in the madness. "It's Monday Night Football…" off key notes squeal. I stomp, jut out my hip and project sexy butt positions at the digital audience.

I hear, "God, Mom, not again. Football season already?"

Feet disappear down the hallway. I quit rotating my butt, suck in my puffed out breasts, and gasp for breath. I look around the small room - couch empty, recliner empty, room empty. The scripted play clears the room of non-football family members – mom’s rule book a guarantee score. I’m no rookie.

Crippled, I flop into the seasoned recliner and flick up the volume. A voice shouts, "Are you ready?"

I do a double check: beer in hand, bag of chips and a bowl of dip. Tylenol packet in my pocket. I scout the room - still no kids. Yeah, I’m ready for some football.

Are you?

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AUTHOR BIO:

Cynthia Borris, author of the quirky mystery, NO MORE BOBS, resides in Northern California. Humor columnist for Valley Lifestyles magazine and a numerous CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL contributor, she is working on her next novel, TO SERVE DUCK. For speaking engagements, visit website. She'll bring the coffee and laughter but not the Bobs!