When doctors get you in the end.

I’ve reached the point in life where it’s time for “tests.”

Medical tests, that is.

Sure, there’s the yearly checkup and seeing the dentist twice a year for cleaning, polishing and making sure the chompers are in working order. There also are eye exams, sometimes necessitated when your arms no longer stretch for enough when holding the newspaper.

But after passing that 5-0 mark it’s time for other tests, the kind not often discussed in polite society. I had one of those this week.

Without being too specific, it was one of those tests that, for me, went where no one has gone before. I have no recollection of the trip itself, although there are color photographs recording it for posterity.

I guess, as we get older, there are different parts of the body that start developing or showing wear and tear from a lifetime of use. Often these are vital parts with special functions that should they cease functioning or develop unpleasant anomalies you could find yourself in real trouble.

My turn came up after a visit to the doctor last month for a routine checkup, and he asked if I’d ever had one of these tests. I’d never really had the urge to have one. Actually, except for once, I’d never been gone to a hospital as any more than a visitor. My tests had mainly been of the external variety, often consisting mainly of checking the blood pressure, saying “Ahhhh” and turning my head to cough.

Well, he said I needed a screening just to make sure everything’s OK, and so it was I got my first big-time exam for just being over 50. First AARP mailings, then this.

An old sheriff I knew always said anticipation was greater than realization. Even after reading about this test, my mind kept conjuring up its own images and variations, none of which seemed particularly pleasant. As my anticipation grew, so did a bit of anxiety.

I guess that’s natural for everyone. No matter how clearly it’s presented to us, or the reassurances we’re given, we sometimes still dread the unknown, especially the medical unknown. It’s probably a toss up of whether it’s the procedures or what the procedures might uncover that worry people more.

Obviously what medical tests can find is far more important than any discomfort or inconvenience or even embarrassment. It’s better to know if there’s something wrong or if there’s something going on inside you that could go wrong and deal with it than to not know until it’s too late to do anything. Listen to your doctor and what medical folks say about getting regular checkups and screenings so you don’t get blindsided by your own body.

Anyway, when the time for the rest rolled around I was feeling real anxious. I offered to trade with anyone I could, but for some reason they weren’t interested. They all had other things to do.

I think my nervousness showed a little, so all the folks involved tried to ease my tension. There were plenty of smiles and reassurances. I don’t think there were any Clay Aiken fans taking part in my test, which in itself was a tremendous reassurance. All I did was write one smart alecky thing about Clay Aiken, and it hit such a nerve with his fans. Don’t mess with Clay, that’s all I can say. His fans’ll get you.

Back to the hospital, I was feeling a bit better as the nurse got me ready for the sedative. She said it affects people differently depending on how relaxed or anxious they are. I told her relaxing never has been a problem for me. I get wheeled into the examining room. The doctor doing the procedure introduces himself, as does the nurse administering the sedative. She was cheerful, with a bright smile and laugh as I joked about being liberal with the sedative.

She administered it; I was ready for my test and then …

I wake up. It’s over. Just like that.

It had been over for a while. I’d missed the whole thing, although I can’t say I was disappointed. I just hope I didn’t do anything embarrassing, or, worse, snore.

I got a clean bill of health from the exam. Barring unforeseen circumstances, I should be good for another 10 years or 10,000 miles before another is needed.

In the meantime, if you have to get certain medical tests or screenings, it’s OK to be a little nervous, but go ahead and get them. Just the relief they offer can do wonders for your disposition, especially when, as in my case, everything comes out all right in the end.