Ever wonder what elephants say to one another around the watering hole?

While looking through an out-of-town paper the other day, I ran across a rather lengthy story about elephants. Now, I like elephants almost as much as armadillos, even if Thomas Nast did besmirch their image by affiliating them, without their consent, to a certain political party.

Since I’m interested in elephants, I took the time to read the article. It seems folks who have been studying elephants for years have discovered they can talk to one another in their own fashion.

According to the story, pachyderms carry on conversations at night on an infrasonic level that ranges from just below on the border of being audible to humans. They also found that some audible rumbles researchers believed were part of the digestive process also are a means of communication among elephants. With this knowledge in hand, scientific-type folks hope they can learn more about the largest land mammal in the world.

Naturally, I began wondering what elephants would have to talk about at night, or any other time for that matter. So, we go now to the African veldt somewhere in Kenya where a group of elephants have settled in for the evening.

“You wanna quit hogging those leaves and pass some over this way? Man, you keep eating like that and you’re going to have to go on a diet.”

“If it doesn’t rain soon, we’re all going to go on a diet ’cause these trees and grass are gonna dry up and blow away.”

“If you two are about finished, we’d like to get tonight’s meeting started.”

“Okay. C’mon, Henry, let’s go over to the water hole.”

“Let me finish flossing my trunks first, Fred.”

“I’d be careful doing that. I saw a poacher looking at you the other day with a gleam in his eye. He probably though your tusks would look nice over some clown’s mantle.”

“All right, let’s come to order. This is meeting of the Royal Order of Pachyderms is now in session. We’ll dispense with the minutes of the last meeting since Brother Sam forgot them.”

“I didn’t think elephants were supposed to forget.”

“We’re not, but you know Sam. He’d forget his trunk if it weren’t attached to the front of his face.”

“First on tonight’s agenda is the question of these folks with that recording equipment over under the baobab tree. There have been come complaints that they’ve been eavesdropping on private conversations and have been taping them. Are there any suggestions on what we should do? Brother Henry.”

“Well, I think we should return the favor one morning. Imagine what they’d do if they woke up one morning and found Fred sitting in their Land Cruiser.”

“Wait a minute. I don’t even have a driver’s license, and I’d probably get a ticket.

“I think Brother Henry may have something. Let’s take his suggestion under advisement. Now, about this Nast character. We’ve been debating what to do about his making Republicans out of us for a hundred years. It’s probably time we did something about it. We haven’t been given any royalties, and the few offers which have been made were just peanuts.”

“Can we sit on his Land Cruiser?”

“I don’t think he has one, Henry. And besides, I don’t think he’s a live any more. We could always sue for defamation of character.”

“That’s probably a better option, Brother Fred. We’ll contact our legal counsel and see what he thinks. Okay, that’s it for tonight’s agenda unless someone had something else. Don’t forget – next Thursday we’ll have a special screening of Dumbo over at the eastern water hole. Refreshments will be provided. If there’s nothing else, meeting adjourned.”