"Stop thinking about gratitude or ingratitude and give for the inner joy of giving." --Dale Carnegie

Most of us want to be appreciated.  When we do good deeds for others, we expect them to be grateful. And we are often deeply hurt when others fail to thank us or show sufficient appreciation for what we have done. Some of us get so upset over what we perceive to be the ingratitude of others that we become miserable.  Parents often feel that their children do not show enough gratitude for all the sacrifices the parents have made. Some parents feel that their children are indebted to them for the rest of their lives, and if  children move away to pursue careers and raise their own families in new locations, some parents feel they are being deserted.

We can inflict enormous pain on ourselves by becoming obsessed with the notion that other people have not shown sufficient gratitude for the things we have done for them. It doesn't matter whether or not we are correct in our belief that others have taken us for granted and failed to show proper gratitude for our actions. The point is that we hurt ourselves needlessly when we worry about such things.  There are too many other important things to think about for us to waste time worrying about ingratitude.

Almost all of us have at some time or other been the victims of ingratitude.  Some people just don't seem to understand the importance of expressing gratitude to people who have befriended them.  Others simply don't care. There is nothing we can do to change the behavior of such people.  What we can do is learn to accept the fact that some people are not very grateful and go on about our business of giving for the inner joy of giving.  After all, giving for the sake of being thanked is not very noble.  It is like trying to buy friends.  If we are truly interested in helping others, we will find our reward in the pleasure of the act of giving--not in being formally thanked for our actions. 

It has been said that there is almost no limit to the amount of good that we could do in this world if we didn't care who got the credit for our actions.  Is it necessary to be thanked for actions that come from the heart?  Is it always necessary that the recipients of our giving know the source of the giving? Of course it is nice to be thanked, and it is rewarding to see sincere appreciation from those we help.  But is an expression of gratitude really necessary in order for us to experience the inner joy of giving?

Copyright 2014 Allen Smith

TB-50--Posted 05/29/2014