"Memories: If they make you smile, keep them; If they don't, let them go."--Anonymous

Memories can be one of our greatest sources of pleasure as well as a major source of pain. We all have both good and bad memories and, although we may not be able to totally forget our most painful memories, we do have some control over which memories we dwell on and which ones we want to keep buried deep in our subconscious. Just as we clean out our attics and garages periodically and get rid of some of our old possessions, we need to clean out our memory bank from time to time.  Technically, the brain supposedly has unlimited storage capacity for memories.  But there is not enough room in our hearts to store all our painful memories.  Our hearts will break if we try to do so.    

When we have major losses, the memories of these painful experiences are bound to dominate our minds for a period of time.  This is normal and a part of the healing process.  But as time passes, we need to try to push these painful memories farther and farther from our conscious minds.  Similarly, when we experience joyous occasions, we want to try to hang onto these memories for as long as possible. We need to put as many happy memories into our long-term memory bank as we can.   

In the words of Sholem Asch, "Not the power to remember, but its very opposite, the power to forget, is a necessary condition for our existence." The pathway to positive thinking is to fill the mind so full of positive thoughts that most of the negative thoughts are crowded out. This is especially true for memories.  When we lose a loved one, we are overcome by grief for a period of time.  That is natural, and a period of grieving is necessary in dealing with any major loss.  But after a reasonable period of time, we need to focus our memory on the person's life instead of on his or her death. 

Likewise, we need to focus more on our successes in life than our failures.  All of us have had both good and bad times in our lives. We must work at focusing on positive memories and pushing negative memories out of our conscience minds.  The happiest people are those who don't spend a lot of time thinking about either good or bad memories.  They live in the present and look forward to the future with enthusiasm.  It is best not to dwell too much on either the good or bad events of the past. But we must all spend some time reflecting on the past.  When we do, shouldn't we focus on those memories that make us smile?"

Copyright 2014 Allen W. Smith 

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