I am here because Grandfather would not let go...

Sometimes I believe it's taken me 106 years to reach the age of 53. When I look back through the picture book of memories in my mind I can't help wondering how I made it through. There was so much pain, so much despair. I remember the open disdain and even hatred in the eyes of my parents and others in the family. I recall the desperation that fueled my every attempt to please and placate those who would often lash out at me when they were, in fact, angry at someone else. And I remember every tear that would leak down my cheeks. Some might wonder what I could possibly be thankful for.

But there were many things that made life bearable. I can still see every dog and cat that had loved me unconditionally, even when my worsening illness combined with my heartache to create a perfect storm of rage that all too often became focused on them. Their loving and forgiving natures would bring them back to my side, to nuzzle my wet cheeks and lick away my tears moments after I collapsed after releasing a tirade of abuse on their sensitive ears and spirits.

And there were the friends, adult and child alike, who welcomed me into their lives just as I was. They accepted me with smiles and, often, open arms, and encouraged me to pursue my dreams, whatever they might be.

But above all there was God, the One I still call Grandfather. He was always there close by. Even when it was I who turned away He was always at my side, His hand on my shoulder or, I suspect, with His arms tight around me when things were at their darkest. He refused to give up on me and I credit Him alone for saving me from the unceasingly terrible temptation to murder myself. Death had courted me for most of my young life but Grandfather stood between us, keeping the darkness from swallowing me completely and carrying me from battlefield to battlefield when I felt too weak to go on. There can be no other explanation for my presence here today but that He brought me here.

Now, as I look ahead into the future I realize that there will be more heartaches and troubles. That's just the way life is. But I know Grandfather will continue to lead and sometimes carry me through to the sunnier days beyond, and I am so very thankful for it.