"Courage isn't having the strength to go on – it is going on when you don't have strength." Napoleon Bonaparte

When given the prompt for this first paper of 2024, I had already been reflecting for some time in therapy upon how much I've had to deal with over the years and how I could express in words the attitude with which I did it. This includes all those years when suicidal idealization was a close companion every minute of every single day. So as I considered this week's prompt I thought back and asked myself what I could use to focus my energies in a year that has already started with a significant challenge.

There have been many quotes and affirmations that I've come across that were good representatives of my subconscious self-talk, and all expressed basically the same mindset. But there is one that says it all in bald, unequivocal terms and comes straight from the Navy SEALs : "Never, ever, ring that bell!"  If you're not familiar with SEALs training, during the phase known as Hell Week, when a candidate decides s/he can't handle it any further they declare their "surrender" by ringing a brass bell hanging from a post just onshore. I came close to ringing that metaphorical bell many times but somehow, I always found deep within myself the tenacity needed to get through. Looking back, I don't have any idea how, but I did, and I've come to realize that it is such a vital part of who and what I am that it has become my defacto “power phrase” for facing whatever life throws at me.

So, as I look ahead to 2024 and even beyond, whenever I find myself staring at that brass bell, I'll remember all that I've already experienced and endured, and I'll promise myself that I'll not now, nor ever, willingly ring that bell!

c. 2023