am stepping out sisters, getting real even though you dont want to hear this.Open your eyes when makind decisions that affect your life

Now how many of us are singing along with that chizi guy when he goes...Dalili ya mvua ni mawingu...this is the one thing we know to be true as true as you as you cant have fried ice cubes....I like this guy because like me he believes there is always a sign something is about to happen, so nothing ever just happens. Ever heard someone go; I don’t know what happened we were so happy.... usually to a table full of really empathetic friends who can all share a similar situation they have been through. And yes they will swear that it just happened without warning. Now if you are anything like me, that is really sensible persons, you know nothing ever just happens. The signs are all there you have just been imitating the three blind mice after watching too many of those South American soap operas. Take for example a lady whose boyfriend comes home one day and just starts lashing out at how useless she is and how she thinks because she is educated and has a career she is all that.. Now this woman will claim that while he wooing her he was the most caring person and she can’t understand why he changed... might even make excuses for him. Another complains that her husband never seems to want to do anything, he treats me like am his maid, of course with the additional benefit of bedroom services, although hey, a lot of maids do seem to have that as part of their service agreement nowadays. Then you have the gal whose boyfriend never had a dinner alone with her. He is always with the boys, and these boys include his married friends who usually bring along there mistresses to the bar. If you marry this guy how can you possibly say you didn’t see signs that he could easily cheat on you. He will be saying he is with the boys. Let’s take this to another level and include the one who after two years and one baby ends up alone because the boyfriend/ husband/ housemate, whatever you want to call him... After two years walked out and she heard he married in church last week. Now sit with any of this women and they will say, he has changed he wasn’t this way before. I say he was. You was just so blinded by love or whatever that you didn’t want to accept, and now am sorry you can’t put the blame on anyone not even him. Let’s start with the first woman, this guy definitely has self-esteem issues and I can bet you when you started dating he would be going "I really admire women who are able to hold there ground and pursue careers" or "am the kind of guy who is not intimidated by career women", all without prompting. He will always pick up the tab, and might make a scene if you don’t let him. He keeps trying to prove himself. Now once he has you he takes the game to another level, he tries to constantly put you down to cover for his insecurities... And you wondered why your mother insisted you date in your class... (She wasn’t being snobbish) Woman number 2: now you are a special kind because these are the girlfriends who make all the mistakes. You are dating a guy, you go to his house and he asks you to cook. (Yea that’s the tail sneaking from behind) you being a dutiful girlfriend get yourself to the kitchen and prepare a meal, hoping this will score you extra points. next time you visit he asks if you can help him do the wash (help here being you do the washing and he sits with the boys), there it is again (this time plus the horns) but you are so in love and ready to do whatever to keep the guy that you don’t notice and when you are done and he says "you will make a wonderful wife. You send yourself to planet Pluto" you were not scoring points; you were proving your doormat capabilities. My point is there are always signs, always. You start seeing a guy and he is always with the boys that won’t ever stop. you are dating someone and whenever you call he is busy, stays away for days then shows up and acts all sweet on Sunday afternoon, or worse the guy who is so in your face that you have no space to breath let alone be with friends, girlfriends lets put aside the pomp pomes and get serious here. You know something isn’t right so don’t pretend it is, or think its going to change. It won’t, he might pretend it has but it will not. I have a male friend who I think is an absolute jewel. He is the only man on the planet I know who will feed it to you straight up. I spent Eid with him and his lessons for that day were fantastic as always. My best moment was when he said “if a person calls you on Saturday afternoon or Sunday and never during the rest of the week. You had better wizen up the fact that you are a convenience partner. This person will never take you seriously”. Sometimes the signs aren’t even in your date’s behaviour but his background. If you are dating someone whose family are all drunkards or seem casual to having a mistress, how can you then claim you didn’t see the signs. Now am sure some guys are going to congregate in a bar somewhere and have a bashing session with me as the piñata, but guys this applies the other way round too, if you have a girlfriend whose friends are shady, doesn’t tell you where she is or who with and is always mtega or out of service… jiulize maswali and don’t you stop until you gets answers. I have realised guys too have your share of soap opera scene scripts, like a guy I know who claims to have not known realised his girlfriend had moved her stuff to his house until the wardrobe was full of her clothes. Give me a break, what are you retarded. Let it be understood am not trying to create a paranoid society, just trying to impress on you to keep one foot in the real world while falling in love. Or as one of my friend says “as your heart is charging upwards to cloud twelve make sure your earth wire is plugged to reality”. If after spotting the tail and you choose to stay and enjoy ati you will change him into the angel you know lies beneath well then spare me the drama afterwards. This is one for the sisters because we have become really good at spinning sob stories and soap operas in which we are the martyred heroines. Gone are the days when ignorance was bliss, you need to keep your eyes and ears open and to earnestly pray to you get the kind of partner you want.