As parents each of us will be called to soothe, comfort, and calm our children when they are scared. So what steps can you take to help our children let go of the fear?

One thing that all children experience is fear and more often than not our children are barometers to our emotional states. What this means is that when we are experiencing emotions our children experience the same emotions, but often in more obvious ways. When we are fearful are children are often fearful.

This happened the other day, a severe thunder and hail storm exploded from the afternoon heat. Torrents of rain, quarter-size hail, 50 mile-an-hour wind, lightening that illuminated the storm-infused darkness, were all terrifying, but it was the house-shaking thunder that caused my usually calm demeanor to transform into a bundle of nerves. Instantly my daughter attuned herself to my emotions and quickly slipped into a full-blown, fear-induced meltdown. Not only had she picked up on my emotions, but as a child she is more fearful because of her vivid imagination. After several minutes I was able to soothe her frazzled nerves and we turned the rest of the afternoon storm into a love fest of hugs, games and reading.

As parents each of us will be called to soothe, comfort, and calm our children when they are scared. So what steps can you take to help our children let go of the fear?

Let go of your own fear: Our children need to have a sense that we are courageous, strong, and will protect them. At some time or another we all do become fearful in front of our children. If this happens turn it into a teachable moment. Simply acknowledge the emotion to your children and show them how you are working toward releasing your fear and you will grow stronger as you overcome your emotions.

Turn off the news and violent television shows: As negative as the news is for adults it is even more fear-evoking for a child. Teach your children about world events by reading the newspaper together. Spend some time talking about these events and encourage your children to come up with creative ways to resolve problems. If your children are already fearful watching violent T.V. shows will only create more fear. Opt for shows that emulate your family’s values.

Pray together: Teaching children that there is a force beyond themselves that they can turn to when they are fearful is extremely powerful. This force can be God, the universe, the angels, Allah, Buddha, Krishna, or Christ. Teach your children to call upon whatever divine force your family believes in.

Teach children to meditate: Children are perfect candidates for meditation because they have such vivid imaginations. A simple way to begin is to have your child find a quiet spot where they won’t be disturbed. Have them lie down or sit in a chair. Have them close your eyes. Ask them to take a deep breath in through your nose and feel the breath travel down into their belly. Have them hold the breath for several seconds and exhale through their mouth. Repeat this 3 times. Also teach them to do this type of breathing whenever they are having a fearful moment. Then have them begin counting backwards from 10 to 1. After they are in this relaxed state, have them imagine themselves blowing up a balloon, placing all of their fears in the balloon, and then releasing their fear-filled balloon to the universe. Once they have released their fear ask them to imagine the highest outcome for any situation they are fearful of. The meditation CD The Miracle is You can help guide your children on a journey to let go of fear.

Read uplifting inspiring books to your children: Just as we do, our children need to be inspired. When they are experiencing fearful thoughts help them find inspiration in books of poetry, spirituality, and stories of how others have overcome fear. Some wonderful books are Tiny Rabbit, Whemberly Worries, and Let’s Talk About Being Afraid.

Spray Monster Spray: Also works for bad dreams, thunder, and any other scary thoughts. Tell your children that when you spray this spray they will be safe and protected. Many health food stores sell aromatherapy sprays. Ones that are especially calming are vanilla, lavender, and orange. Please make sure that you use only ones that are essential oil based and not chemically based. Also please do not spray near your children’s eyes.

Spend time talking about their fears: Sometimes children just need to express what is on their mind. Work together to seek solutions for overcoming fear.

If your children’s fear is limiting them from enjoying life seek professional help: There are wonderful play therapists, hypnotherapists, and cognitive behavioral counselors that can help children let go of fear.


As parents there are so many ways we can encourage our children to face their fears and overcome them. By empowering them with these strategies they can truly achieve their highest potential. May you and your children be blessed with showers of peace, joy, and most of all love.

Debbie Milam is the author of The Secret to Raising a Happy, Successful Family. A syndicated parenting columnist for United Press International and therapist whose work has been featured in over 300 media outlets including The Miami Herald, Elle, Ladies Home Journal, PBS and The Hallmark Channel.

Visit her website for more products and resources to help you be a create a life of peace, joy, and success for you and your children. Sign-up for her newsletter at www.bestyoucanbe.org and receive your special report Creating Peace Within Yourself and Your Family.