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Just a thought or two about being the foster parent to an older child. THere are thousands of older children in need of foster care.
If you have ever thought of becoming a foster parent I have something for you to consider, why not foster an older child? Now there is no reason to immediately think that this is a crazy notion and stop reading, I have a valid point for you to listen to.
In my somewhat limited experience as a foster parent I have had an infant, a toddler, a pre-school age, and a teenager. While the babies and toddler were great to have around the house they are totally reliant on the adults in the house. You also have to consider daycare, visits with parents, doctor appointments, etc. The teenager we had in our home was wonderful. She was only in our home for a couple of months, but even now over two years later she is still a part our lives.
She came to our house for a one night stay and we decided we couldn’t do it because of extenuating circumstances. After a little soul searching we realized that we were being selfish and I called our DCF office and told them that this beautiful sixteen year old girl could come back and stay for as long as she needed too. The placement was a little troublesome when you first heard about it; this girl had run away from all of her previous placements. I was still not dissuaded.
When she came in I set out only one rule for her, she was not to run away from our house. I told her that there was an alarm and that it wouldn’t be set. She was afraid to eat any of the food in the house and was timid about asking. I told her several times that she could eat whatever she wanted, but she was cautious that we were going to yell at her. I assured her that as long as she was in out home she was a part of our family. And I think that was what broke the ice.
From that night on she was a part of the family, she made sure she asked before she used the phone, or made any plans. Soon enough she was a typical teenager, basketball games, movies and hanging out with her friends. It was a great experience for us, and I like to think it was for her too. We got her to go back to high school to get her diploma so she could make a future for her and her unborn child. Yes, she was pregnant, but that didn’t dissuade us either. We enjoyed her company.
After she left state care we received regular calls from her, we were invited to her baby shower, we were at the hospital when the baby girl was born, and we were just recently invited to the baby’s first birthday party.
If you are in the frame of mind to be a foster parent, but you are not sure about a younger child I would strongly encourage you to think of an older child. They sometimes are just lost in the system because not many people have the room in their hearts for an older child. I think it could be even more satisfying because you can see the results of your help almost immediately; better grades, more sense of responsibility and the gratitude you will see and feel from them.
So, please if you are thinking of fostering please consider if you have a place in your heart and your home for an older child.
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It's been a long time since I've read such a heartfelt appeal for such a worthwhile project.
As a retired court officer, I endorse your comments with enthusiasm and sincerity. I have had occasion to participate in hundreds and hundreds of tough juvenile cases pending in the California court system. And the ones that need it most--the older children--are the ones most difficult to place.
Bless you for your loving attention and for your hopeful message.
I do hope you have stirred the heart of one or more of our Den writers who might find themselves in position to take on this most worthwhile responsibility.
I invite all readers to read my two short-short stories posted in my Den: "You and Me" and "Yours and Mine." Each of these is based on an out-take from my novel The Paradise of Revenge. It's a tough, graphic novel that reveals some of the evil-doing in this world. To do something positive and so worthwhile is a great opportunity.
When your time comes and you meet God face-to-face and he asks you what you have done in your lifetime to justify His creation of you, you can answer: "I sheltered and loved a lost foster child."
Your reward will be yours forever.
Your friend,
Richard
I am not adopted, but I know several adoptive families, nnd they have touched me. I write a lot about adoption (particularly special needs adoption); I have become very familiar with issues in the adoption world, and it has been an eye opening learning experience. I write stories based on what I have learned or observed, and I am all for adoption or foster care. If more people felt the way I do, there'd be no hurting children or children in waiting!
A beautiful, heartwarming article you have penned; very well done! BRAVA, Maura!
God bless you!
(((HUGS))) and much love, your Texas friend, Karen Lynn. :D
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