Reviewed by Kelli Jones

I WAS A SASQUATCH SEX SLAVE by S.D. Hintz, Jerrod Balzer, and Mark McLaughlin
Review by Kelli Jones

This collection reads like the literary love child of the Marquis De Sade, Trey Parker, and Matt Stone, if such a thing were possible. Included in the collection are short stories that deliver on the cover's promise of ripped-from-the-tabloid-headlines subject matter, and the goods are at once gory and hilarious.

Balzer's first story, "I was a Sasquatch Sex Slave," puts the narrator and his friends through an awful encounter with several of the mythic beasts only to deliver a satisfyingly funny punchline at the end. Balzer's second story, "Scandalous Love Triangle Between Scientist and Two Bears" made my skin crawl because of the actions of the appropriately named central character, Randy. His "Abominable Snow Woman Bodyslams Igloo in Crazed Rampage" is a twisted marauding monster short with characters dropping like flies or crew members of Alien. There's one image of a giggling, fleeing snow woman that's disgusting and hilarious all at once. The answer to the question posed by his final story's title, "Why do Skunk Apes Stink?" is not for those with weak stomachs. Old Man Winker's manner of speaking sounds less distinct from the narration at some points than at others, but this is a minor quibble. He has an interesting, disgusting story to relate.

Hintz's "TT Exclusive! Abduction Gone Bad" just gets zanier as it rolls along, constantly begging the question, "No, really, how much worse will this get?" His second entry, "Freakenstein vs. the Undead" made me shudder and laugh simultaneously. These two conclude with punchline endings, but both are amusing rides throughout. "Ritzy Party Ruined by Raging Pets" had a similar effect, with the addition of some pity for the narrator who comes to one ugly realization. My only quibble with this one is that I would have preferred more details about the setting, but things move quickly in this fun, disastrous little ride.

McLaughlin's "Same-Sex Sasquatch Marriage Shocker" introduces an endearing narrator. I'd like to see him pop up again in another story.

These are well-paced entertaining shorts, but if you're violently anti-gore, I wouldn't recommend it. If you have ever paused in your channel surfing to watch Sightings or flipped through the Weekly World News just out of curiosity, you'll find this collection fits like an old shoe...with a squishy surprise at the bottom, likely left behind by the title's elusive monster. In their next issue, the authors intend to expose the Loch Ness monster as a womanizer and reveal what sog monkeys do when you're asleep at night. For now, enjoy this!