How an ordinary man who happens to be a doctor, is an angel in disguise to me and helps me beat my life-threatening illness and turn it into a chronic illness.

BDad is what I call him now days. The “B” is short for his real name, Bernard or Bernie, and then Dad. He has become my real Dad over the years. My parents divorced when I was 4yrs old and I never got to know my real father who came out on the weekends to visit us girls.

I have 3 older sisters in my family who all love me very much as I love them. I am closest to my sister Julie for we are only 13 months apart in age. BDad and I have known each other a long time now-9 yrs and 2 months going on 3 months. I first met him at a conference he was giving, my church in Fulton, Missouri paid my way to go and see him. I had read 1 of the 2 books he had written so far. It was called, “Love, Medicine and Miracles” by Dr.Bernie S. Siegel. He practices what he teaches everyday too! Love can heal the body, I know that. He even used some of my pictures I drew as examples later on in life when he lectured to doctors back in the late 1990’s. I saw him in late 1998 for the very first time, an actual face to face meeting after communicating for so long with letters and the telephone! I continued to write to him and continued the relationship with letters back and forth.

I had a point in seeing him, I wanted to HEAL my body of a life-threatening illness. You see, I was diagnosed with an inoperable brainstem tumor at the age of 18 yrs and 11 months in May of 1989. I have gone through periods of HELL with the brainstem tumor which we found out to be a lesion. That has made things a little better in my prognosis, meaning I will not die but that has come AFTER we have already spent over $80,000 on Gamma Knife Radiation. The procedure was still so NEW in the State of Texas that I was only the 200th patient in the Southwest area of the United States to GET IT!! The tumor was in my brain for 8.5 years BEFORE it could be taken out! Some side affects from the brainstem lesion and from having the hydrocephalus where I need a shunt and have shunt revisions every few months it seems at times are seeing double, having some left sided weakness, right arm shakiness uncontrollably and having seizures. I also have the brain disease called Hydrocephalus where I have to have a shunt in me and It breaks down often and needs replacing. So, I have brain surgery to do a shunt revision. That is considered a minor surgery to a neurosurgeon doctor but it is a major surgery to a hydrocephalic person! A Shunt is a tube in the body that drains excess fluid off the brain into another area of the body. There are 3 main places to drain the excess fluid-to the heart, abdomen or chest. The most common place is the abdomen, then the heart and the last place is the chest for the tough people. My shunt currently drains to the chest. I am one of those tough people.

So far I have had 14 shunt revisions in 12 years! At one time I was told I only had LESS THAN 2 YEARS TO LIVE AND that was back in 1989! I think I have fooled the Doctors!! My current neurosurgeon calls me a “Living Angel”!

To Bdad, I am a Miracle and he does not want me to die. HOWEVER, I want to GET back to heaven YET as my wise Bdad said, “God isn’t done with me yet!” Bdad has encouraged me to write out my thoughts and feelings and so I have started my book of poems in the fall of 1992 and have continued with it since.
So, with that in mind, I leave you, and remember, we all have our own problems of our own magnitude. It is how one handles themselves in the face of adversity as to how they will survive. Thank you for showing me the way, BDad.

October 20,2001
Updated September 26th, 2003 5:24pm Central time