That is how I was reffered to recently. A certain person decided he was no longer interested and he said it was because I was damaged and he's not into fixing women. Personally, I found it strange that I didn't become damaged until after I made it clear we would not be sexing at the end of the night.......but I digress.
His reasoning being my age, the number of kids I have, the age of said kids and the fact that I'm not where he feels I should be finacially by my age and driving a porche or some such mess. He was not interested in knowing any of the very valid reasons that have led to those things being the way they are. IMO, he wasn't interested in me just the me he wanted me to be. That's some mess. So what are my valid reasons? Here's the rundown....
1) Marriage and kids - The reason I am only 37 and have already been divorced for 10 years is that I got married when I was 19 and he was 22. We stayed married for 8 years and have 2 beautiful daughters to show for it. Hold up! I have 3 children you say? Yes indeed I do. My son is the product of a puppy love situation I had from the time I was 10 until I was 16. I dumped him not knowing I was pregnant. I also took in a girl her senior year of high school that I also consider my daughter. She was with me for the better part of two years and has decided that she needs to move on now that she's grown. Duing the time she was with me I supported her completely. Including co-signing for her apartment. It's all good tho, I feel I did what GOD wanted me to do. That's why I have a son 20, daughters 18 &; 15 and I sometimes will speak of another child that's also 20 but kinda in and out. Mostly out but that's her choice.
2) I'm not rich. I never was. My parents had money but GOD bless the child. I didn't even enter the workforce full time until after I was divorced. Meaning, tho I worked part time on occasion, I had been a housewife. I did he things that my husband and I agreed were better for our family. I took care of the home and our children didn't go to daycare until after we seperated. They did spend a little time in nursery school but that was to give them time to play with other children aside from their siblings. After my divorce, I worked a few crappy y jobs then got on with Greyhound. I loved that job but after 911 travel got hit bad and I was downsized. Because Cleveland is a city in a downward spiral, I don't make anywhere near what I used to make. That's not s0 bad either. I'm not hungry, homeless, and I still live in a nice place in a suburb. Not that the suburbs are the end all be all but again, that's another issue.
3) Even with all the other things that were going on, I was the primary care giver of my mother when she was stricken with a stroke. My mother had to retire from Internal Revenue because she had a stroke at her desk. It wasn't about money it was about love. She was my mother and no one else was stepping up. I had no choice but to do it. She had been with the IRS since I was about 15 and with various branches of the government my whole life. As had my father. They could afford a damned good nursing home but I wanted to care for her myself. I TOOK CARE OF HER, MY HUSBAND, MY KIDS, LOOKED OUT FOR MY LITTLE BROTHER WHO WAS STILL HOME WITH MY PARENTS, AND MADE SURE MY DAD WAS OK. I was selfless in that NOT ONCE did I ever make any of those people feel like they were a burden. I was young, near burn out, dealing with a lot of stress, and doing it basically alone but I kept my family together. I was only 24 when my mom finally went into a nursing home because I could no longer care for her. When she did I felt like I had failed as a daughter. My father passed the next year. My brother got married and had a family of his own. Then after that I got divorced myself. All of this by 1997. I was just 27 years old.
So my question is " where did I become damaged?" I think that my choices were the right ones to make. The ONLY ones to make if you're a loving , decent person presented with a situation like that. The fact that he didn't take the time to know who sat across from him is a greater loss for him than he knows. Some men truly don't know when they have a help meet sitting in front of them. Let's be honest here. A woman that put aside her dreams of college, not just for a man, but to take care of her mother and family isn't damaged. She's a blessing to the person that's lucky enough to get her in the trenches with him. Sure, I can live in a palace with you but I can just as easily live in the gutter and help you work your way up and out. I'm that kind of woman and I have the battle scars, and good memories to prove it.
I hope he finds what he's looking for. And that he's mature enough to accept and cherish it when he does.
