Get out your handkerchiefs, folks.

A certain merchant went in search of the Meaning of Life. He went to a rabbi who was well-recommended in the wisdom department, although everyone with a theology degree warned the merchant to avoid the rabbi and his simplistic approach.

The merchant nevertheless called on the rabbi. He noticed that the rabbi had bandages around his hands and feet, and that he had a back brace, as if he had suffered some kind of wound in his side.

“What is the meaning of life, O rabbi?” asked the merchant.

“Love will prevail,” said the rabbi.

“You better not charge for your advice,” said the merchant, “because I could have gotten *that* from a %$&* fortune cookie.”

“No charge,” said the rabbi.

The merchant went back to his hometown. It was late at night, and a robber jumped out and said, “I want $100 now, or else I’ll beat you to a pulp.”

The merchant reached for his gun, but he remembered the rabbi saying that love would prevail. Therefore, the merchant decided to use love on the robber.

“Here,” said the merchant. “You want $100, I’m giving you $200.”

The robber took the money, and said, “guess what, I’m going to beat you up anyway,” and he beat the merchant so unmercifully that some of the merchant’s teeth fell out, several of his ribs cracked, and his right arm was broken.

The merchant went to a hospital, and they helped fix his broken bones. A dentist gave him artificial teeth.

Later, the merchant got a bill from his HMO. “You account is delinquent,” said the bill. “We refuse to reimburse you for your injuries because you have violated clause 78(4)(d)(I) of your agreement. Give us $10,000 or we’ll ruin your credit.”

The merchant got out his speed-dial to call his lawyer, but he remembered that the rabbi had said that love would prevail. So the merchant sent the HMO a check for $20,000, and a note saying, “God Bless you all.”

Later, when the merchant went to the bank to get a loan, the banker turned him down.

“Your credit is shot,” said the banker. “Your HMO reported your account delinquent. Don’t bother trying to borrow money from us.”

“But I more than paid the HMO,” protested the merchant.

“Cry me a river, merchant,” said the banker. “Now go away before I throw you out of the bank.”

The merchant couldn’t get his loan, so his business got into greater financial difficulty. One day, a man came to the merchant with a proposition.

“If we cheat widows and orphans,” said the man, “we can both retire rich, and you won’t have to worry about your financial problems anymore.”

“A great rabbi told me that love would prevail,” said the merchant. “I cannot make money by cheating widows and orphans.”

“Suit yourself,” said the other man, who went on to found a great business empire by cheating widows and orphans. The merchant lost out on the deal, and he became poorer and poorer. Finally, he became homeless and went to a homeless shelter.

On the doorstep of the shelter, he found the wallet of a well-known philanthropist who had obviously left his wallet at the shelter by mistake on one of his visits. The ex-merchant saw enough money in the wallet to pay off all his debts and restore him to his business.

“But that would be wrong,” said the ex-merchant. “The rabbi told me that love will prevail. So I will return the wallet to its rightful owner.”

The ex-merchant decided to go to the police station to return the wallet. Just outside the police station, a cop grabbed him and handcuffed him.

“What are you doing with that wallet?” asked the cop.

“I was trying to return it,” said the ex-merchant.

“Yeah, right,” said the cop, and booked the homeless man for theft.

At trial, the wealthy philanthropist and the cop testified against the ex-merchant. The judge gave the ex-merchant three years in jail. While in jail, the ex-merchant was raped by a fellow-inmate and contracted AIDS. The ex-merchant was soon at death’s door.

The ex-merchant asked for the prison chaplain, and the rabbi appeared.

“You said that love would prevail,” said the ex-merchant accusingly.

“So it will,” said the rabbi. “Do you still believe in Me?”

The ex-merchant paused. “OK, sure,” he said. Then the ex-merchant died.

The ex-merchant found himself in paradise. The rabbi took him for a tour.

“Over there,” said the rabbi, “there is the robber who beat you up. He accepted Me before it was too late.

“Over there is the president of the HMO. He also accepted Me before it was too late. Ditto for the banker who refused you a loan.

“And there is the guy who got rich swindling widows and orphans, and the philanthropist and the cop who framed you, and the inmate who raped you. They all accepted Me before it was too late. Because it took so much effort for Me to reclaim their souls, I rewarded them with the best places in paradise. Each one of them has a mansion made of platinum. You have a mansion, too, but it’s made only of bronze, and your mansion is smaller than theirs. I hope you don’t mind.”

“I guess not,” said the ex-merchant. “I guess this is one of those Prodigal Son things, right?”

“That’s it,” said the rabbi.

“So love prevailed after all?” said the merchant.

“I think I’ve made My point,” said the rabbi.