An excerpt from a story that appears in my new book, *Discordant Sound.*

Geraldo Rivera, the famous journalist, recently announced that he is going into the wilds of Afghanistan, looking for the cave in which Osama bin Laden is hiding out.

Before leaving for Afghanistan, Geraldo looked up General Powell. Geraldo knew that the military usually didn’t like journalists roaming around unsupervised in a war zone, but maybe Powell would be willing to make an exception. Powell was nothing if not accommodating.

“I’d be happy to let you go to the war zone,” said Powell. “We have a special list of journalists to whom we give top-secret clearance during wartime, and you are on the top of our list.”

Powell took out a sheet of paper and showed it to Geraldo. Several journalists were listed, including Dan Rather, Connie Chung, and Rivera himself.

“That’s great,” said Geraldo, “but how come that list is marked ‘Minesweeping Duty?’”

“Oops,” said Powell, “that must be a typo.” Powell crossed out the words “Minesweeping Duty” and wrote in “Special Operations.”

“OK,” said Powell. “We’ll give you a handheld rocket-launcher, but remember, assassination of foreign leaders is against the law. Only use this rocket-launcher for self-defense purposes. I think you’re all set now.”

“What about food?” asked Geraldo.

“Of course!” said Powell. “We’ll give you two weeks’ rations from our special supply.” Powell took out a box of processed Army food. Actually, it was food which was so rancid that even the Army’s Quartermaster General had declared it unfit for human consumption, but Powell didn’t mention that fact to Geraldo. Instead, he gave Geraldo the box.

“This is the most important thing we are giving you,” said Powell, giving a small object to Geraldo. “This is an Army Communicator which will send a message to headquarters whenever you discover bin Laden. If you find yourself within ten feet of bin Laden, simply pull out the pin and your message will be transmitted. We will then send federal marshals to arrest bin Laden and bring him to trial.”

“This Communicator looks like a hand grenade,” commented Geraldo.

“Civilians often confuse our Communicator with a hand grenade,” said Powell, “but it simply sends a message through our Army satellite system. Just make sure you get as close to bin Laden as possible after you pull the pin, so that the message will be transmitted as clearly as possible.”

After giving Geraldo this preliminary briefing, General Powell put the journalist on a transport plane headed for Afghanistan. Geraldo jumped out of the plane when the pilot said they were over the complex of CIA-built caves in which bin Laden was believed to be hiding out. After remembering to pull the cord on his parachute, Geraldo landed in the middle of a mountainous region. He then went searching for bin Laden.

[end of excerpt]