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uppalapati Lakshmi Prasanthi

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Dowry System
by uppalapati Lakshmi Prasanthi   
     
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uppalapati Lakshmi Prasanthi

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This article reveals a hatred of a girl on the Dowry system.



What it needs for anyone to be tied themselves into the
bond of marriage? Ofcourse, we need man when it is
woman and woman when it is man.Excluding this requisite,

Is it the Proper Age?
Is it Mingling of Hearts?
Is it the desire to have a family of their own?

It may be true for all of you and the males in India. But
these are all not sufficient for women in India to get married.
Then what is that special one which is the prime deciding factor
in getting the Indian girls married?It is the "Dowry".It is not at all
a mistake if I quote that it is the same Dowry which is making the
married women's life worse than anything.

Dowry is the amount of money and jewelery and the property like
sites,cars,flats etc., which is given to the Groom's family by the
Bride's family. This is the custom in India while arranging marriages.

Long Long ago, a Century back there was another custom in India
which is exactly reverse to the above said one. i.e., Groom's family
gives dowry to Bride's family at the time of marriage.

Dowry thus has two names:
If it is from Groom to Bride, it is named as "Kanya Sulkam"
Kanya means Virgin. Sulkam means Money.
If it is the other way i.e., if from Bride to Groom, it is named as
"Vara Katnam". Vara means Groom. Katnam means Money.

People explains about the creation of such custom that it is a bribe
given to the girl's family so that a man who is 40 to 50 years older
than the girl can marry her by making a big bid of a large amount
of money. Our Great Writer Gurajada Apparao has written a play
by name "Kanya Sulkam" which is the first of its kind in
Telugu Literature and earned him fame.

In the same way, after many years, somehow this custom has changed the other way which is prevailing now in India. The reason behind this custom
as explained was: As Sons gets right on the property of the parents, Elders
provided certain amount of money in the property as daughter's share and
give it to her as a present at the time of her marriage as she leaves them for ever.

But, whatever the motive behind this custom, this has become a devil and
squeezing girls and their parents out of their lives. Until and Unless you give
the Dowry, that match will not be fixed. The Amount of Dowry differs from
Caste to Caste, Religion to Religion and also from cadre to calibre.

But one thing is sure: If one is male(,ie., Moustache is necessary( I have a very strong abuse on male in my mother tongue Telugu, but I don't know how to translate it in English),its enough. He treats himself as a super power and as a person directly descended from heaven, and the poor woman have to give dowry to get him as her man.(There is no guarantee to it either, that he will be hers only).

There are many cases of killing their daughter-in-laws in the name of dowry.These cases involves uneducated people to people of high profile also. Many Laws were made and they are not being enforced properly. I wonder how can they be enforced if everyone takes dowry irrespective of their job( I mean Police, Judicial people, Politicians,Doctors, Business Men).
If anyone conducts a survey in India among male, "Whether you have taken Dowry or not?",one will find a very negligible few who say "No" to this question.
Much wonder is about the women only. Women who once have seen their
parents' difficulty in arranging dowry for themselves, will demand dowry for their sons. This is one of the biggest wonders to me.

I have a debate with a Sir who is the Head of the Dept. in Electronics in an Engineering College in our town, Nellore.
He raised two points: The first one is: You or your parents do not give money to a person whom you think less worth of, and the amount increases as the worthyness of the boy.In the same way, if the boy feels the girl as otherwise OK in Beauty, Earning or Property, Education etc., , he will decrease the amount.

The Second thing is: Will a Girl who is very rich and beautiful and very well educated ever marry a boy who is less educated than her and low in social status?
He concluded that if woman wants money you name it as Security and if man wants it you name it as desire.He wants me to think deeply without any bias.
I have given it a very deep and immense thought and I very much contradict. If a woman loves a man, she marries him against all odds. If a
man loves a woman, will he marry her without any dowry?The Answer to his first question: Is it not Bargaining? Is marriage should be settled on the basis
of union of hearts or on the weightage of money?

Whom should we blame? In my opinion, it is the parents of the girls whom we should blame. No girl will ever be happy that she has to give
dowry to get the match fixed. But no one cares to listen to girls. They just
want them to get out of their house as early as possible. That's all. They don't care at all about the feelings of their girl child.

What is the solution? It is the youth especially boys should really
think into the matter honestly.

My request to them:

You just think about the feelings of women. What is your
superiority that we have to give you money?Please don't think the
dowry as the easiest way to get rich, to get property.
We are equal to you in all ways and in all means. For any home,
both Man and Woman are equally important. I mean Husband and
Wife.

You just invite us into your life with all your heart, with all your
love, with all the care and concern keeping in mind only our
compatability to you but not the money or property tag on us.
If you male decides not to take dowry then it will be a support
for the female also to raise their voice and fight for equality.

Above all, the youth must be given freedom to chose their life partners.

This is not the end to my article. I have many more words
to write. It will continue.


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Reviewed by xainab dadabhoy (Reader)
Reviewed on July 27, 2002
Exactly my sentiments. I wish that the worth of a girl would be marked with her sensitivity, intelligence and her capabilities rather than the amount of materialistic possessions that accompany her. This would not only evade the complexies between married couples but also increment the compatability, knowing that a life partner has been chosen on the basis of suitability, not worldly materials.

Reviewed by Murali Lanka
Reviewed on June 22, 2002
This is a topic on which debate can continue for years. The only solution I can think of is a change of attitude. The solution is somewhat similar to the solution for corruption. If I have to bribe, it's not necessary that I should indulge in taking bribe to do my duty. Similarly, if I have given dowry for my sister, it's not necessary that I take dowry from my would-be wife. I wonder what measure of (equality of) social status people get with dowry. If a man loans lakhs to get his daughter married, how is he economically at par with the groom's party? I think the beginning for this was at a time where there was a scarcity of guys, just like Kanyasulkam was prevailing when there was a scarcity of girls. Like you said, the highly educated lot, people earning dollars, having good jobs, even they want dowry. Today, it's only a greed to add one more lakh to the bank balance of the guy. To achieve this, if a man and/or his family is heinously squeezing another human being, in our long and vast history, culture and heritage, we are still in the nomadic era. We do not yet know the definition of civilization.

Reviewed by satish
Reviewed on April 5, 2002
This article is good. yes, I agree with you that so many parents dont ask their daughter , whether she liked the groom or not. they want their daughter to get married soon.

yes , if a man loves a woman then he will marry her without dowry, otherwise whats the meaning of love between them.

I dont think that all the people have matured mentality at the age of 20 .they cant decide their life partner at that age. they dont know the difference between love and atrraction at that age.

I feel one has to choose some one only after getting settled in life. I dont believe in teenage love as they dont know the difference between love and atrraction at that age.

i wish one day, every one will come out of this dowry system.

satish.

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