Over the past 5 years I have changed jobs, men and sizes but I am still singing the same old song.

Remember that song by Tevin Campbell "Round and Round"?

"Round and Round. (Ooh hoo)
We go round and round and round
And what we're lookin' for still isn't found."

That's the way I feel about my life over the past 5 or 6 years. I went through my old journals to see where my head was at a time when I seemed to be making moves in my life. I was working jobs that I liked, losing weight and meeting people who I really seemed to click with. I discovered that I had the same wants and needs that I have now but the only difference is that my thought patterns were different.

"Can you tell me when we're gonna get to it
I'm tired of foolin'around, said I wanna do it (Go for it, get to it)Ooh, I learned my lesson ya'll
Said if you wanna have fun go for it
And when you win, say I know it (Go for it, get to it."

Page by page the same moaning and groaning about how I want this, how I need that, how I deserve the other is written. Over the past 5 years I have changed jobs, men and sizes but I am still singing the same old song.

"(Ooh) We can talk all we want to
But the world still goes around and round
(Round, round, round, round)
Round and Round
(Get-g-get-g-get to it)(Go for it, get to it)
We go round and round and round
And what we're lookin for still isn't found."

So what am I going to do to jump off this spinning merry-go-round? How can I change my tune? Although I had a lot of positive thoughts and I was meditating, I also had a lot of negative though patterns about other people. It was a sour bitterness that seeped out of me. There was a lack of trust and jealousy. I didn't recognize it at the time but it was ugly. Harboring all of that negativity had to affect my ability to maintain my positive energy and so I fell into a pattern of negative though patterns. I stopped taking care of myself and meditating. I stopped nurturing my spirit and here I am. Fortunately I can look back on my mistakes, learn and grow from them. Maybe in the next five years I can reflect on my life and see growth. Maybe then I will have achieved all of my immediate goals and will have moved on to bigger and better aspirations. Maybe I can finally put the finishing touches on this tired old song and start a new one of joy and happiness. Maybe I will have learned my lesson once and for all.