Well, it happened! I have seen the error of my wicked ways. I now support Donald Trump! Why, you ask? Well, the turning point for me came with Donald Trump’s speech before the Iowa caucuses. I was horrified when I heard Trump warn us that democrats want to kill all the cows followed by their owners. Trump is waving a red flag of warning to all us cow lovers.

Now I love cows. These gentle creatures moo; they are content to stand in a pasture and chew grass all day. In fact, they not only act as animal lawnmowers but they fertilize our pastures. They give us milk. And the dems want to kill them. Trump has convinced me that there is a great conspiracy by the “deep state” to kill off these gentle animals. (According to Trump many dems belong to the milk industry and if cows are killed the price of milk will climb.)

These gentle creatures throughout history served humans as symbols of wealth and symbols of humility. (After all statues and figurines adorn our Nativity scenes) and are celebrated by Christmas carols (“The cattle are lowing, the Little Baby awakes.”) 

Below is the part of Donald Trump’s speech that moved me to switch. He is demonstrating a funeral eulogy for a slain cow named Old Betsy:

Friends, Russians, cattlemen, lend me your ears.

I come to bury This cow, not to praise her.

The slaughter that men do lives after them;

The good is oft interrèd with their bones.

So let it be with Old Betsy. This noble Democrat

Hath told you Old Betsy was ambitious.

If it were so, it was a grievous fault,

And grievously hath Old Betsy answered it.

Here, under leave of these Democrats and the rest—j

For these dems are an honorable people;

So are they all, all honorable men—

Come I to speak in Old Betsy’s  funeral.

She was my friend, faithful and just to me.

But These dems say she was ambitious,

And these slaughterers are honorable men.

Trump claims to love cows. He loves them so much that he consumes them daily. For breakfast, lunch and dinner. Cows have contributed to the largess of his corporal body.

Therefore, I am announcing that I am starting a Save Our Cows movement. (#save our cows). Each cow is precious. Each calf deserves to live life of contentment. And grazing. And the dems want to kill the cows.