I have had Museveni on my webpage now over six months, if not longer, as one of the political deviants of our time but have never really done him fair justice; I suppose it’s because much worse was happening outside present day Uganda. But seeing him talk up his cohort, I have to vent my spleen... so here we go. I can only start by saying the man is suffering an acute form of delusion.

Suffice it to say that Museveni has been dogging his Uganda for over twenty-two years; he’s now made the rank and file of the burgeoning grandfather figures fanning corruption in African socio-political circles. I say grandfather because he’s been prominent right from the start, sadly. I would like to call this clique or committee of friends,” The three Ms”, “The Three Kings” or simple The Three Magis” of southern African territories.

Muse was claiming on the international press, that it is not possible for his ally, Mugabe to remain in power after what he called a “free and fair erection”.

Well I beg to disagree!

What The Three Kings Have in Common

	Mugabe	Museveni	Mbeki
Office Tenure	20 years (Dec, 1987)	22 years (Jan, 1986)	9 years (June, 1999)
Smile	He’s too grumpy to own one, unless when hugged by Mbeki.	Manages one because he has to.	He’s got it for real,  blissfully smiling his teeth off. He can afford to; having succeeded Mandela.
Beard	Hitler reincarnate. Don’t tell me you haven’t seen the dark resemblance.	Moustache taken from head,	Moustache and half goatie.
Communication skills	One wrong word saw secured his confinement for ten years in Salisbury prison. Way to go son!	This Bodaboda linguist will charm the wits off you, just to get your vote, you get, 两者差不多! Yeah, try sussing that!	Frequently writes and charms his way not only for the ANC but blogs about his deeds too.
Education	He’s got too many, so some universities took some back	This geek reckons education is for women, not political stalwarts like him. We know it’s because he’s not keen on breeding the opposition	Child of an educator, the spineless Mugabe “yes” man has bagged a few honourables along the way.
Shared lucky number 4	Born 1924	Born 1944	Born 1942
Exiled	Needn’t wander very far, so holed up in Mozambique	In Tanzania mostly, but was busy globe trotting	Dined with the English mornach while secretly training for war in Russia, he knows the art of diplomacy, one would think.
Links with Scotland	Glasgow Caledonian University pulled their red carpet from under his feet. Was that a hint? Mugabe didn’t think so.	Scotland Yard, London had a great deal of concern with the assassination of Kayira.	Bagged a degree, maybe his home tutored life was not enough.
Links with Massachusettes, USA	Things came to a head when University of Massachusetts took back the degree foisted on Mugabe. Ouch!	I must be a lazy researcher; I can’t find anything. Can you?	Not one for education inside of home, bagged a little degree from the Boston citadel
Knighthood	He’s got a Knighthood, what can you do? Let him try Bath now!	He’s solicited, begged, crawled, but that got him nowhere. There’s still hope though, you have another 20 years in politics by your reckoning.	Bagged one for himself in Cape town, good on ya! Now what?

It was clear that Diane Rodham Clinton was not in the lead during the recent Obama campaign. The world media followed the inside-party race with stupendous interest; after all, this was an aberration. An African of Islamic leaning was rising to be the number one gangster hero in America’s centre right politics, and only just after forty years of free vote. Unthinkable!

But I digress; fact is: when Muse was talking gobbledegook about the impossibility of a continuous Mugabe, where does he place the political history of recent years? He talked of the will of the people, what has he got to say for the military dictatorships that have marred the political scenes in so many a country around the world. He may not have an example to mind, I have a few. Jerry Rawlings of Ghana, Libya’s current al Quaddafi, Nigeria’s Babangida, not to mention even his own rise to power. He started as a terrorist, and whoopsy doo dah! What do we have now? Iraq’s Hussein brought about the current crises in that neck of the wood and Burma is still lost in the wake of Than Shwe’s neglect. Should I go on? I nether have neither the time nor the energy, or space in this column to address this aberration. Corruption is a fact in Africa and a continental malaise at that. But to close one’s eyes and go on the world media to blabber on that this is not the case is a slap too hard for one to turn the other cheek.

Mugabe was on looser street and being in a position to shift the post, he took the liberty! MR Tsvangirai never stood a chance. The dark Hitler look-alike has been holed up in his presidential villa, pulling strings shamelessly and even tripping in Rome. That did not help his PR though, ironically. Muse is supposedly an intelligent man, like his crony, Mugabe; he’s bagged himself a few degrees along the way, some by universities he never even attended. Little wonder some of them wanted their honours back. But Muse is a very unintelligent man in the eyes of Mugabe. While the latter was collecting degrees, Muse was collecting cattle. Having Mugabe thinking of “ideas”, genuine ideas on food policy and strategy is a big joke, let’s not kid ourselves. My ribs are splitting and I am going to need a doctor. Just don’t take me to Zimbabwe, I don’t stand a chance.

And like me, the people of Zimbabwe haven’t the foggiest on what’s going on in their own backyard. He’s got the land, he’s got the ideas, policy and strategy; he’s been printing (sorry, planting) his own money into the ground and let’s not forget: he’s got the power. So when is the harvest? Where are the millions of Zimbabwe’s people going to get a damn reprieve?

Well, I’ve got this to say: when your friends don’t give you good advice, when your friends give you a pat on the back while collecting frequent flyer miles, as they deliberately mislead not only your own people but go to the outside world and lie about it, you seriously need to reconsider your role in the body politics of your society. That Mugabe and Museveni are friends, there is no doubt. I would not be surprised if one were to return to exile, the other would welcome the other with unclean and open arms. The third person in this committee I mentioned earlier is Mbeki. He is a baby as far as Mugabe and Museveni are concerned. He’s only been there a few nine years and his tenure is fast coming to a disgraceful end. But since we are talking friendship between the Magis, let’s pause to reflect on what the three crooks (I meant Cronies) have in common.

One thing is certain, not the good of their country.