The lows and lows of promoting your novel on the internet

So, you’ve got a book out there. OUT in the vast THERE, floating in cyber, just waiting to be noticed. Only you’re getting no results. So you up the ante and get involved - you send out copies for reviews, join writer forums, internet book clubs and blogs and other such useless etceteras, and still detect NO DISCERNIBLE RESULT, right? You feel like you’ve hit a brick wall. There’s just nothing happening and your frustration hits a new low - you start sending mass emails to everybody on the planet you have access to offering your book for a very reasonable price, invent what you feel are very interesting questions for a Q & A session with you and invite the entire universe to that earth-shattering event via your social networks, create a cyber group dedicated just to your books (that nobody has read as yet), and participate in web radio interviews hosted by a person who didn’t bother to read the copy you’ve sent them but has a lot of enthusiasm if not training and uses a faulty microphone which will  render the whole session inaudible. Your frustration by this point should have turned into a raging depression; the mass emails bounce off as spam, the Q & A session is attended by you and your cat, the cyber group bearing your book’s title has two entries - you and your cat’s and the internet radio interview … you get the picture - the entire book promoting venture is a COLOSSAL failure. Sure, you might get a well-meaning stranger you’ve asked to friend you thank you for the add on your book’s page but they will not buy the book or indeed read your carefully constructed blurb you’ve put up on your profile. No, the well-meaning stranger is just you wearing a different size of the same shoe - most likely they have something to flog to you. Maybe they’re a budding musician promoting their ‘single’, or an artist trying to unload their home-made jewellery which they’re keen to display on your book’s page - at any rate, it hardly matters. You’re two peas in a pod and there will be no sale for either of you. NO SALE.   

     Looks pretty grim, doesn’t it? Yes, it does. However. There is a bright side. One day you’ll wake up and the cobwebs will be gone. You start to feel better, feel like you’ve shaken off the blues, feel like you, once again, could take on the world — with just a little more work the whole thing is bound to pay off, you tell yourself and decide to give it another try. The reason behind this change? You’ve discovered a new book blog out in the vast THERE; your hunch is telling you you’re onto a good thing — they might just be willing to review.