Well just as you negotiate deals in business if you are with someone new or trying something new in an existing relationship it is important that you discuss what you are going to do and get the other person's take on it. D/s relationships are very much a two way street, there has to be lots of discussion and no fear about talking about anything.

As with all my writings, it is not my intention to tell others how to run their relationships. Since this is a discussion on safety and how to handle things as a new Dom it might be good to take some of this information to heart.

Well just as you negotiate deals in business if you are with someone new or trying something new in an existing relationship it is important that you discuss what you are going to do and get the other person's take on it. D/s relationships are very much a two way street, there has to be lots of discussion and no fear about talking about anything.

Say you are a new Dom and want to play with a sub who has more experience than you have. It is imperative that the two of you sit down and discuss all the aspects of the session, you will need to let her know that you are new to the lifestyle and are not as experienced as some of the other Dom's she may have been with. You will need to negotiate things like

                                                 safe words

-> Stop or safe word: this is a word that when used the indicates that the sub has hit some form of, possibly, unknown limit and is not able to go on with the session. This word is not to be used frivolously since it indicates that the sub is having MAJOR problems with the session. Once this word is used the session must stop immediately; however as the Dom your job is not over you will need to take the time to comfort your sub, and make sure she is feeling ok. Then comes the time of discussion, this is mandatory you will need to find out why she used the word, and how you can work around it next time.

->Slow Word: This is a word that when used tells the Dom that the sub is having a difficult time and she would like you to slow down so she can get used to what is happening. This might be used if you are trying something new and your sub is not sure if she likes the sensations if the sub cannot get past the issues then she may use the safe word. However if she figures that going back to the normal pace of things will help better then she can use the go word.

-> Go word: This is a word that the sub can use to indicate that she is ok with what is happening and wants you to resume the original pace of the session. The only time that this word would be used is after the sub had used the slow word since once the safe word is used the session is over.

Why don't I give examples of the words, because they are negotiated for each session if you are playing casually or as part of the contract negotiations once a relationship has reached that point and the couple has decided that they want to stay together as Dom and sub. The safe words vary from couple to couple and are usually quite personal.

What else needs to be covered in the negotiations?
This is a broad question and it is impossible to cover, in this work, everything that might need to be covered.

In general they should cover, for casual play:
-types of toys
-types of play (desired, possibly desired and no go)
-any known limits either of you might have. If both of you are new then it might be advisable to use one of the many online since they have good lists of the types of play.
-any other things that you or the sub feel need to be covered in the session agreement.

If you and a sub have reached the point where you both want to "formalize" the relationship then it might be good to have some of your lifestyle friends witness the negotiations since if it ever goes to court they can attest to the mindset and sobriety of the couple along with attesting that no form of coercion was used. It should be noted that no contract or collaring agreement holds any water in court but having the witnesses will help show that both knew what they were doing during the negotiations. There is one sample contract and collaring on this board, have a look at them and feel free to modify them to suit your needs.